Member Since: June 2, 2008
Answers: 2
Last Update: July 21, 2008
Visitors: 898
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36/m
Briefly, the facts of my situation are as follows:
I had an emotional affair. It was a long-distance matter between me and a woman I used to know before I met my wife. When my wife began to realize what was going on (and it didn't take her long, because I'm lousy at keeping secrets and she's very perceptive) I ended it, and told my affair partner that I would not be contacting her again. I meant it, too.
That might have been the end of it, but a couple of days ago my wife looked into my e-mail account and discovered everything had been going on - things that she had not been aware of and which I had not intended to tell her. To make a long story short, the nature of the affair had turned sexual, and there were E-mails sent back and forth where we described that sort of thing in detail. There were confessions of love from both sides, and intimate revelations of other sorts. There were also plans for us to try to get together sometime soon (plans which I aborted before my wife even found out about anything, because I came to my senses about that much at least). I was lying to my wife about all of these things, and now those lies are fully exposed.
Of course, my wife is furious and terribly hurt, and she is considering ending our marriage.
I am deeply remorseful of what I've done. Right now I can barely look my wife in the eye, because I am so ashamed of myself. I think I might take my own life if I didn't know that it would only make things worse for my wife and child (for now, my child remains unaware of anything wrong, that goodness for that).
I know that I committed a terrible wrong, and I want to make amends and repair my marriage. I need advice on how to do that. I am willing to do literally whatever it takes to make things right again. I want to change myself so that I will be a better man, someone she deserves to have for a husband, instead of the lying cheater that I have proven to be.
Does anyone have any thoughts on what I can do or say to convince her that my intentions are sincere, that I truly am sorry, and that it absolutely will not happen again? Are there any of you out there who have gone through this on either end and might have some advice for what I can do now? And can anyone give me some idea on how I can work to improve myself and my own personal integrity so that this doesn't happen again?
I ask only that responders refrain from slamming me down regarding my wrongful actions - nothing that anyone can say will make me feel worse about it than I already do, so to harp on that will be pointless. Please, just tell me what I can do now. (link)
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I am going through a similar situation and wonder how to handle the other person I had an affair with. I still love her, miss her very much. I am trying to be good to my wife but even though I want to stay with her, I can't get the other woman out of my head. How do you do it?
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Rating: 3
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When I figure it out, I'll let you know. One thing that seems to have helped me is that I've come to the conclusion, finally, that I must stay with my wife. I wrote a letter to that effect to my former affair partner, essentially telling her that I could not contact her anymore, in any way, for the indefinite future. I told her bluntly that there was no hope we would ever be together in any way, because I had made my choice and it was for my wife. Basically, I had to accept that either she or my wife was going to get her heart broken, I made my choice, bit the bullet, and did it. It was just about the hardest thing I've ever done, but afterward there was a sense of relief, and I think I'm on my way to getting over her. I don't know if this will help you or not; heck, I don't even know if it will help me! I think that people in our position just have to learn to live with the pain, the loss, and the heartbreak.
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