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mrs_deacon_07@hotmail.co.ukMember Since:
June 15, 2004Answers:
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about
hiya I'm shelly, I'm 20 and from England. I have the best boyfriend in the world and he means so much to me. I love to help people and I've just started using Advicenators again. I hope i can help you all with your problems feel free to email me xadvice
First off: I am by NO means a song writer! I admit that now.
Ok, I wrote a pretty corny song for my mom on mother's day. Seeing how corny it was, just made me want to do better. I just now put pen to paper and came up with this. I want your HONOST opinion. I tried to think about how it would actually sound as a song, but self critisism has always been tough for me. I want your 100%, completely honost, first-thing-that-you-think comments. Also, help on improving? I'm learning to play the guitar by the way, which is kind of my inspiration for song-writing. ANYWAY, here it is:
Going nowhere fast
time stands still
push away the past
try no to feel
you're not worth the effort
not a dime
so why's this stupid heart
breaking every time?
I've thrown away the gifts
ripped all the pictures up
pushed you out of my mind
burned that stupid close-up
Stop creeping back
into my mind
can't you see the
"turn back" sign?
I've gone through a lot
but not so much like this
heart's all cracked up
many things to miss
----------------------
and that's all I have. I also have no clue how to organize this thing. I guess it was just sort of spur-of-the-moment. Anyways, yeah, critisism!!!!
I think its really good, especially for a first time thing.
All I can suggest is to sort it out into verses and to make a chorus to it, you could make a chorus out of the things you already wrote
I like the verses below so one of those could be a good chorus.
Stop creeping back
into my mind
can't you see the
"turn back" sign?
I've gone through a lot
but not so much like this
heart's all cracked up
many things to miss
You could take ideas from other songs or write a few more and then merge them all into one song
Hope this helps =]
(Rating: 5) Thanks for the tips!