Jasmine_Moon's advice column

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Q: So I've been going out with my current boyfriend [Jimmy] for almost 10 months. I love him, I really do. But sometimes, I have my doubts. He's controlling, demanding, he doesn't let me hang out with my friends, he doesn't even let me go WORK OUT without him but I can't let him go so easily, but nowadays my friends are showing me how bad it's getting.
I'm not even allowed to hang out with my best [girl] friend! It's ridiculous, I know. But I've been putting up with this. [consider the fact that I've been with him EVERY SINGLE DAY for the past about 8 months]
& There is guy named Eddie that I went out with last year. & Everytime I see him in school, I get butterflies in my stomach. I don't know what to do. My friends have set me up on a date with him for tomorrow [Friday] & he said he wanted to catch up on old times with me.

What do I do?

I love my boyfriend.
But I think I might like my ex-boyfriend, Eddie, again..
& He is not AT ALL like my boyfriend.
He's caring, shy, sweet.
But the reason we broke up last year was because he always put everything in front of me & we never had time for eachtoher.
But now, he insists that he changed. & I'm just so worried.

Can anyone please help me?..

Go on a date with Eddie!!

I realize that you love your boyfriend, but I see some [color=red]"BIG RED FLAGS"[/color] here that truly concern me!:

I think your current boyfriend may show some warning signs of an abuser. Take a look at this list:

He puts your friends down and / or makes it difficult for you to see them. (ie. he won't even let you see your best friend!)

He loses his temper over trivial things.

He has very rigid ideas about the roles of men and women and can't / won't discuss it reasonably.

His mood swings are so erratic that you find yourself constantly trying to assess his mood and only think in terms of his needs. A healthy relationship has give and take.

It's difficult for you to get emotional or physical space away from him - even if you directly ask for it. And if you do get it, he 'grills' you about where you've been and who you were with. (you spend every day with him)

He criticizes you all the time - about your weight, your hair, your clothes, etc.

He makes all the decisions in your relationship and ignores your needs or dismisses them as unimportant. (he won't even allow you to go with him when he goes to the gym)

Trust me, he doesn't have to "hit" you to be abusive. Emotional abuse can be just as devastating..and may likely lead to physical abuse when he feels that he has more control! And trust me it will get worse..been there *frown*

I realize that you want someone to be with you most of the time, but it's better to find someone that is kind and loving...and see them less often, than it is to stay with someone who makes you unhappy no matter how much you love him!

Chase those butterflies sweetheart! *smile*

Hugs,
Jasmine

Rating: 5

I absolutely love how you summed it all up.
He does all of those things.
& I think it's amazing how you pretty much almost read my mind.

You're AMAZING.
Thank you.
:]

bio

I'm a 36 year old mom who has too much life experience. I realize that, no matter your age, life throws some crazy curve balls at you when you least expect it. I know in my heart that absolutely no one is perfect..and we all make wrong decisions at one time or another; and sometimes we just need someone to help us out without being judgmental! Furthermore, I think that the only stupid question is the one that you don't ask...knowledge is power.

One of my favorite sayings:
"If you live in a glass house, don't throw stones."

Well folks, we ALL live in glass houses at one time or another!

Never say never,
Jasmine