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Q: people keep calling me a self manipulator. im always the one that has a great comeback for everything but i have nothing when people say anything about that. im having alot of trouble right now and i do self manipulate but ive never told anyone so im confused. so i usually have a comeback or say anything that will make them get freaked out and stop. this guy said omg its the self manipulator show me the gory scars haha and i did the fuck it sign or something and he hasnt since. i do not try and kill myself anymore ive gotten so much better i do cut still just not deep anymore and i uband. so i am in some form a self manipulator. but when people say that it makes me do it more or deeper. what could i do or say to make them stfu. 14 female ive been doin this since i was 12 ive gotten so much better but when people do this it goes back to the old ways dont give me advice for that just what to do or say to them.
It’s hard not to give you advice in regards to your cutting, because your self mutilating habits and your difficulty in coping with the hurtful things people say to you are all interrelated. So I guess I will give you advice in regards to your self esteem issues, since cutting and a difficulty in dealing with hurtful words are related to feelings of self.
The individuals calling you a self mutilator; seem to be only encouraged more to tease you when you react angrily to their comments. In truth, there is nothing you can do or say to control what comes out of another person’s mouth, so the first part is coming to terms that you have no control over others. The second part is relearning self love. You, like every other human being is worthy of love regardless of the adversities you face, so if you are feeling depressed, humiliated and saddened, treat your self like you would treat a best friend who were feeling sad. You wouldn’t cut or slap a rubber band against a best friend, who came to you for help, would you? Of course not, so treat your self with the same compassion and dignity you deserve. (I am going somewhere with this…)
So the next time someone calls you a self mutilator, you can speak for yourself like you would for a best friend. So instead of resorting to obscene gestures, you can inform the person that;
“Yes, I have a history of self mutilating, and it’s something I am working and improving upon. Just because someone cuts does not mean they have to be subjected to name calling and ridicule.” This may sound corny, but it works. By speaking to the issue, you are refusing to jump on the band wagon to shame yourself, and reassuring yourself that you are worthy of being loved by you, plus, regardless of what the person may say in response, you will feel a lot better about your self by performing that simple act.
I know you don’t want to read this, but as social animals it makes no sense in you going through this by yourself, I applaud you in seeking help through your question, but it would also help if you confided in somebody, (preferably your parents and or a therapist). –Think about it.

Good luck.

thanks

bio
Ugo
Ugo is a licensed professional counselor in Arizona. He holds a Bachelors in Psychology and a Masters of Science in Counseling Psychology. He is also the host of Road 2 Resolutions, a web site dedicated to addressing questions on mental health issues and conflict resolution issues.
Please visit Road2Resolutions.com for more questions and monthly newsletters.

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