about

advice

14.Female.
My like best guy friends name is Cole, and he is awesome. He always makes me happy and unlike other guys I don't act diffrently around him --at all--. Id eat like a pig infront of him and not care, laugh my normal laugh. It doesn't madder he's just like my BFF Becky. I know she's not gudmental so and he's the sameway. Well the Christmas dance was coming up and he asked if I wanted to go. It was a hardcore What?? Completely unexpected and I said no. And explained to him that I don't like him like that and he was like Ohh. And thank god it didn't effect our relationship.
Well he flirts with me all the time and sadly I do to...[[sucha bitch I KNOW]] But I can't help it I Do Like Him. But the reason is so stupid I wont even explain it.
Well his sisters in another state right now checking out colleges with her boyfriend and a Sunday I was talking to Rhiannon about Cole. He's so sweet, and soo hot and funny and everything I lovee. Like one time he was making fun of himself and I was like Cole! Your adorible, whatever people say they can go to hell because I love you exactly the way your are.
Then it kinda clicked Oh Shit did I just say? Im soo dumb. He said something else thougha dn i was like Why do you only make fun of yourself infront of me?? and he was like Because I know you'll say otherwise. I was like awwwww

Listen, this isn't your battle to fight. It's his. And most of the time the hardest thing to do is sit back and let your friends handle their own lives. But you can talk to him about a few things.

So, this it what I have to say:

Concerning Cole hitting Ashton about what Ashton said about you, and the popularity thing.
Most likely, Cole was so defensive to what Ashton said because he has seen his father say negative things towards his mother, and while he can't always stop his father from saying nasty things to his mother, he can defend you. The fact that he got so upset with Ashton probably is rooted in the fact that his father is abusive and he can't do much about his father. And at this point, you shouldn't be worrying about what people are going to say about him liking you. He likes you for the real reasons. Not the shallow reasons that everybody else is using for why they like somebody. That is something special, make sure to hold onto that, and let go all of your worries about what the other kids are saying.

No kid should ever have to face the difficulty of abuse. But sadly, a lot of us do. I speak from experience. And while most people will tell him to immediately get himself out of there, you can't always just leave. That can aggravate things. And it is a lot easier done than said.
Talk to him about the need to leave. Has he talked to his mother about his father being abusive? Like really sat down and talked with her about it? Its hard to do. Sometimes, like in my case, the mother won't believe the kid, because they don't want to face the fact that they put their kid in danger. But he'll find that if he sits down with her and talks to her, and brings to light that if his father isn't afraid to hit him, they what about his sister/brother thats going to be coming into the world, he probably won't think twice about hitting the baby either. Making his mother really see the danger that she is putting her kids, and herself in.
Let Cole know that you are there for him, and that as hard as it is for you to tell him, or really show it, you do care about him, but have just been scared to tell him. Let him know that when things get rough he can come over and talk with you. Or at least make him promise that if his father is drunk or something, he needs to get either everybody out of the house and avoid confrontation or lock him out of the house. Its no use to talk to someone that is drunk and mad.
When he gets a chance, he should also talk to his father, when he is sober. Or if it is too difficult to talk to him. Write him a letter. Most times the adults around us don't realize what a huge impact their effects have on us. I would often go to school, and purposefully get myself in trouble, so i could feel in control of something in my life. And that may be another reason Cole reacted the way he did with Ashton, because he felt more in control about letting Ashton know that it wasn't okay for Ashton to say that about you, versus when he is at home and watching his father verbally and physically abuse him and his mother.

If Cole talks to his parents, and nothing happens for the better, he does need to leave. Either tell a school counselor who will be obligated to notify authorities, and remove him from his house hold (which is incredibly traumatic, I can't begin to describe the feeling of having to talk to detectives about what happens in your house, knowing that they might take you away from the people you love)or tell your parents, and see if you can arrange for him to stay at your house for a period of time. till things are fixed and it is a safe environment for him to go back home again.

-CalamitySami
(ps: I'm sure there is more that i forgot to write, but this is something i know a lot about from personal experience, so please email me if you have any other questions or if he tries something and the situation gets worse)

[view]

(Rating: 5) Thank you soo much for taking the time and writing all of that.
Im probably gunna see if he can stay with my brother who lives like a street away from the school, my brother porbably loves Cole more then me lol and would do anything for him and his best friend had an abusive Family so he'll understand.
Thank you so much!
<<< Previous Advice Column
Next Advice Column >>>
eXTReMe Tracker