Hi, I call myself Ignatz after Dan Herriman's character in the old "Krazy Kat" comic strip. I'm 44, father of 3, husband to one, crazy about music and books and food and movies and history and martial arts. I've had some wild and crazy times in my life, and I figure I might as well put in some of my perspective.
I promise not to talk down to anyone or make fun,and I promise not to BS anyone. If you're old enough to ask a frank question, you're old enough to get a frank answer. Oh, and if you ask me a question directly, please be patient. I'll get back to you as soon as I can. My life's a bit hectic. :-)
Gender: Male
Location: St. Louis, MO
Occupation: Professional dad
Age: 44
Member Since: October 29, 2007
Answers: 328
Last Update: January 23, 2015
Visitors: 35699
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ok, all of my friends are hackin hilarious! but i'm not. And when i try to be funny, its normally not. so could you tell me some good jokes.
also, some like little songs or something like this:
from the windooww to the kitchen,
put gravy on my chicken,
mmm this chickens kickin,
mmm gobble gobble gobble.
do you think you guys could tell me some of these things? pppleeasseee!?!?! i am soo sick of not being funny! (link)
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Aw, cmahhhhn, tell some jokes!
A bear walks into a bar. The bartender asks him, "What can I get you?" The bear just says "....". So the bartender asks him, "Why the big pause?" (paws)
A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender tells him, "Hey, we've got a drink named after you."
So the grasshopper says, "I didn't know you had a drink named Sam."
Why do do marching bands march?
To get away from the noise!
What's green and sings?
Elvis Parsley!
What did the Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor?
"Make me one with everything!"
What did the hot dog vendor say when the Buddhist handed him a $20?
"Change must come from within."
Classic Monty Python:
What's brown and sounds like a bell?
Dung!
What do you get when you cross a pit bull with a collie?
A dog that rips your leg off then goes for help.
How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?
Three to wind the giraffe and seven to put the alarm clocks in the bathtub.
For funny songs, you don't need much more than Tom Lehrer. Most public libraries have his stuff. Google the lyrics for "Poisoning Pigeons in the Park" or "Masochism Tango" and you'll see what I mean. Also check out standup albums by Bill Cosby, Robin Williams, Richard Pryor, Steve Martin and Steven Wright. You'll learn a lot about timing that way.
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