Member Since: October 13, 2007
Answers: 8
Last Update: October 14, 2007
Visitors: 1926
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Mmm well I had this friend. (not my girlfriend, never intended her to be) She sits next to me in 1st period, and we're both on cross country together. and we used to run together and talk about things.
At first I thought she was really cool, we could connect very well, and talk about personal stuff. She invited me to go with her somewhere, and i thought it would be fun.
Well, a week before we were supposed to go out she told me she planned to go somewhere else with her newer friend (she liked him a bit). and it wasnt the fact that she wanted to go somewhere else instead of hanging out with me, but it was because she like completely forgot about me. i felt like one of those toys you really like, until you get the next coolest then and move on.
she started acting really irritated around me, and completely stopped talking to me 2 weeks. I still put an effort to be nice, I said hi, bye, asked how her day was, and tried to start conversations. but she was really short with me, and would often just walk off instead of saying bye.
one of her friends who is also my friend said she was annoyed because of my "in and out zones". the friend said it meant my happy and sad moments. but i have problems with that because my dad was clinically depressed, and my mom was on drugs when she was pregnant so it fucked with my head. and im also going through many, many, family and friend problems.
so it kinda felt like she was saying: fuck you, i dont care about your problems. i know i feel down a lot and sometimes i dont look very happy, but i try not to be rude, and i still remember my manners. and i was always willing to listen to her and talk. the only time im rude is when im just flirting/playing around with friends. i feel like my problems annoy her, and to be her friend i have to be happy all the time?
so we started off good friends, she was kind of rude when she blew me off, but i was still willing to be her friend, then she stopped talking. she started talking to me again. she thinks im an asshole apparently.
do i have the right to be angry at her? i say a few rude things, but i never intentionally mean to hurt anyone, i just fuck around a lot. i think a lot of guys do. and i always let my friends know im just messing around. its annoying, she was a good friend, we werent friends at all, now she wants to pick me up again like im a fucking book she got tired of reading and regained interest.
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hm, i think i lack some information to really understand whats going on.
you got jealous. jealousy is an ugly thing. it creeps girls and everyone else out.
would you have been as jealous if she would have made plans with another girl? I ask because I suspect that you like her as a girl but got stuck in the "friends" thing. As a friend you dont have no right to stop her from dating and getting to know new people, in fact you should encourage it and should be willing to help, even if that means missing your friend for some time.
The plancancellation is something you might get angry about, but which i dont think is really appropriate in the situation. she cancelled a week earlier, so her timing should be fine. was it a big thing you planned? if it was like "lets go shopping on sunday" it shouldnt be a deal at all. if it was like "lets make a trip to vegas" its still not thaaat much of a deal and i see no use in getting angry. but she has to say "sorry i want to go with this blablabla guy on a date". If she just acts like "take the trip alone, im having a date" shes disrespecting your time. getting angry is of no use here, because you know the outcome, its much more fun if you just tell her calmly "sorry my time isnt worthless. if you cant respect it and keep up if you make plans with me than you cant make plans with me" and walk away. (well, choose your own wording) And now she can either better her ways("sorry") or she cant be your friend, because if she does not respect you than its a crappy friendship.
you have a right to be angry at whomever you want. but you should try not to get angry because you get angry when you get hurt and you dont want to get hurt.
her perspective: she has a date and cant meet up with you, so she tells you. "all of a sudden" you freak out and pretend like you two just got divorced. so shes pissed for the next week. but she likes you so it should normalize after that.
messing around is a good thing.
the "in and out zones"-thing:
ignore it.
eh, and yes its your fault to an extent(i dont know how appropriate she cancelled plans, im very sure she could have done that better). If you get friends with her again it should depend upon if you like her as a friend. which i think you do. it should not rely on you having a hurt ego. your ego got hurt about irrelevant stuff.
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okay, now I understand better.
no, its not your fault. she treated you like shit for a week, and not like a friend.
i dont think she got angry about your personality in general(because i cant imagine this), I think she got angry about some specific situation, maybe there is something you can remember. making plans with someone else and not talking to you about that is very bad and i see that as a crude mistreatment. i think most friendships end for me there. she may have really forgotten about it, which is strange and something like accidentally putting someones hair on fire, ... you apologize about it afterwards. (but make sure she did say "we are going together" and not "yeah i will be there too") if she ignored that you had made plans because she was pissed at you thats just cruel and a mistake by her.
Either way, its bad to pretend that you forgot about it either(and not believeable by the way). If she stood you up and that pisses you off you have to tell her, because she might not know.
Personally, and im not sure if this is the right thing to do, I would not take any effort to talk with her for at least a week. I would see how I feel after that and how she acts after that. If she ever apologizes I would instantly forgive her.
its hard to know if your friendship still has any worth because we dont know what she was thinking and feeling.
If she makes any effort to talk again with you as friends, before I could accept something like this I would ask her why she didnt come to the party, and then why she didnt tell me. and then tell her that something like this is not ok to me.
that it happened isnt a biggie but you dont want something like that to repeat, and its not possible to do something like that for her without doing damage do the friendship. but be also willing to let it rest when it stops being important, she made a mistake and people make mistakes.
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Rating: 5
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i dont think you fully understand what i said, maybe you can look at the question again.
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