I've done and lived through a lot, and have seen a lot more. I don't have a counseling degree, just an open mind and a caring heart.
Remember, I'm no Ms. Cleo. I don't have all the answers. I'm just SistaGirl, trying to kick some truth your way.
Gender: Female
Location: San Francisco
Member Since: October 11, 2007
Answers: 9
Last Update: October 12, 2007
Visitors: 1430
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Im in kind of a screwed up situation.
My GF is 18. We were together for almost 3 years. She left me.
The relationship is over. But the catalyst that caused her to leave, is that she is and has been in love with someone else.
That someone else is her married with two kids to a wife he doesnt love but knocked up _step_brother_
Thats right. Her fucking step brother.
She thinks that he is going to divorce his wife, her mother will divorce her step dad, and that she can love him and marry his 24 year old redneck loser ass and be the mother to his kids, who are like 2 and 3 1/2.
Now. My conundrum. My choice.
On the one hand, I can leave it alone. Walk away. Its not my business.
On the other hand, shes going to fuck her life up. She might well fuck up a marriage, and create an issue that will split the family apart completely, and just generally fuck everything up.
And on that other hand, I might want to talk to her mom.
Doing so might get her cut off. It might make a positive difference. Theres pros and cons. But the one thing I CAN be certain of is that it will not become a whole family issue if I tell her mother. And it would probably save the other marriage though it also stands the chance of destroying my ex mentally and emotionally and she will guaranteed never talk to me again.
So, what do I do?
Do I tell her mother, in hopes that her mother can offer her some guidance and in hopes that she would take it, and hope that by doing so I prevent her from getting caught and destroying a minimum of 5 lives (hers, his, his wive's and their kids). Or do I leave it alone, and walk away because it isnt my business.
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Welcome to the real world. There are people out there you want to save, hope to save, reach out to save - but they don't want help. They want their way, at any cost, because of how they feel about themselves and the world around them.
Obviously, this girl is all about herself and what she wants. Has her step-brother lead her on? Has he even given her the time of day? For all you know, this whole scenario is in her mind, and nothing much has never happened between them - or maybe it has under stupid circumstances, involving drugs, alcohol, boredom or some stupid emotion trigger.
So no - don't talk to her mom. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree - it could be her mom is just as capable of making bad choices, and will be the first to run to her daughter's defense while shutting you out. Say she calls the daughter in law, who in turn talks to the brother, who comes over to yell at your ex. In the end, everyone will find a way to blame you, shoot the messenger, and wreck their lives in one fell swoop. Not a good look, son.
Just talk to her - tell her you don't see that relationship going anywhere good. Tell her you're there if she ever needs to talk, but you're not sticking around for the train wreck; then walk away, and never look back.
Consider yourself lucky - you could've discovered the extent of her instability after you had kids together. At least now you have a chance to build a life with someone else, who's (hopefully) more balanced.
Remember too, people like her, once they realize they've miscalculated, have a way of pulling you back in, and down into their spiral. Don't fall for it. No amount of money, no warm shoulders or comfy couch invitations will pull her out of the hell she's chosen. Listen, speak your peace, then hang up the phone and move on. Life is too short to invite that kind of drama, son. Wayyy too short.
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Rating: 5
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The best way to put this is your response is a remarkably clear and concise view of the situation for someone whos completely uninvolved.
Though, I will tell you, she fucked him. Alot. There were people in the next room who witnessed to me. But no, its not in her mind. Hes not trying to lead her on, hes just in a loveless marriage and couldnt pass up free pussy he actually had feelings for.
I do agree on the walking away part. I actually already talked to her mother. And while her mother has horrible judgement at times in her own life, shes intelligent enough to know that she cant do shit about it now. Its a waiting game, but now someone adult and close by knows about it and can do damage control.
You sound, I think Ill use "seasoned" as the adjective. Run into fucked up situations like this before?
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