I've done and lived through a lot, and have seen a lot more. I don't have a counseling degree, just an open mind and a caring heart.
Remember, I'm no Ms. Cleo. I don't have all the answers. I'm just SistaGirl, trying to kick some truth your way.
Gender: Female
Location: San Francisco
Member Since: October 11, 2007
Answers: 9
Last Update: October 12, 2007
Visitors: 1432
|
| |
My parents have never had a healthy relationship, and they've been married for 30 years. They constantly fight! I don't mean to point the finger, but 99% of the time, my mom's at fault. She argues with everyone, every 5 minutes...honestly, if you leave my dad alone, he is calm and reasonable, but my mom's a fire cracker.
But anyway, all they do is fight. It's always been bad, but it's gotten worse- to the point where if they aren't fighting, there's usually tension, or true feelings aren't expressed. I am pretty sure that at some point they will get a divorce... whether or not they do isn't the issue. They will never, ever get along. No body gets along with my mother beyond the superficial level- i hate to say this about my own mother, but she is the most unreasonable, irrational person, beneath all the sugar-coated fakeness she shoes to everyone.
Having said all of that, what is there for me to do?? I try my hardest not to involve myself in their heated argumens . It's all verbal, but it stings terribly. I don't know what to do...sometimes i write in a journal, but how much of that can I stand.
For anyone in a similar situation, what do you do when you are caught in the midst of chaos in your own house? how do you take your mind off things, if only to keep yourself from getting too stressed out or hurt?
Thank you
(link)
|
The short term issue is how you cope on a daily basis. Since your dad seems more down to earth, try talking to him about what he thinks went wrong, and what he wants to do about it. During a calm moment, you might try doing the same with your mom, maybe after giving her some good news, or a gift - something to put her in a happy, relaxed mood.
Also try to find something that will get you out of the house and into a more constructive environment. Join a youth group, a sports team, a performing arts group, a study group; or even get a job - babysitting, cleaning, whatever. The goal is to find a legitimate, quality experience outside of the house, which will give your parents time to deal with each other without dragging you through the mess, without them worrying about your location, your safety and your health.
Important to your long term emotional well being, you've got to talk to your relatives and family friends who were around when your parents married. Find out your family history, and see whether you can trace things back to the moment they were first upset with each other.
My parents were similar to yours, arguing more than having fun together. I was going crazy trying to deal with it. Finally one day my grandmother started telling me my family history - how my parents met and the struggles since they began dating and after they married. I realized that my choices were very similar to mom's and began to understand how her not talking to me caused me to actually repeat her mistakes to some degree, right down to being less than happily married.
Knowledge is power girl. Find out what happened, and you'll be able to understand them, figure out what's best for you, and in the process perhaps help them out, too. Hang in there!
|
|
Rating: 5
| |
Thank you so much, your advice really put things in perspective for me. I've heard from my dad that he didn't really know my mom at all until they got married (which was only a few months after they first met-- an old school, cultural thing). Anyway, thanks so much for your advice :)
|
|