About Chivalrous
My name's Evan.
I'm a guy. I'm honest. I'm a listing ear and a shoulder to cry on. I'm trustworthy, and usually try to hold myself to high values. I never judge a book by it's cover (so to speak), and I always try to give people the benefit of the doubt. Life is real. I've seen too much of life to not know what I'm talking about. If there's something I honestly don't know, I'll tell you that. I'm also pretty mature for my age: I'm old enough to know better, but still young enough to understand.
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Member Since: January 27, 2006
Answers: 36
Last Update: March 25, 2008
Visitors: 4860
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15/f
god i hate living. it's been this way since i was 13- i have living. I can't stand it. I'm sick of waking up in the morning with nothing to look foreward to. Crying and eating is all i'm good for. Nothing brings me joy- absolutely nothing. I've tried everything- therapy, counseling, cutting... EVERYTHING.
nothing helps me.
i want to die so badly just to escape this living hell that we call life- but the problem is i can't bring myself to ever do it because i'm afraid of the freaking pain.
i don't have any friends or a boyfriend. no one knows me, if they did- they'd hate me.
i have depression/anxiety problems, ADD intattentive type, a metabolic disorder, and a social phobia. No one in real life knows this exept my therapist.
what should i do. im crying even as i write this. it's just gone on for too long. 2 freaking years.
I hear you.
"depression/anxiety problems, ADD intattentive type, a metabolic disorder, and a social phobia."
You described me 2 years ago. I was a reck. If I didn't have that one friend to get me through it, I would have been where you are now without a doubt. There's hope. I lived through it, you can too.
I'm not going to feed you some "It's not worth it" psyco-babble bullshit line. This is your life we're talking about here. No room for bullshit. Listen up.
You're 15. I'm 21. I'm older and more expierenced than you, but not old enough to be "one of them". There is no way I would ever call myself an adult.
But I've been there. I've been where you are. I've felt how you feel. I STILL struggle with depression. ADD is a pain in my ass every day. My "best friend" that got me through it all is gone now, spending most of his time with a girl that doesn't fit the description of who I want to have as a friend. Now who have I got? I'm in a friend-shift right now. I don't know who my friends are, I don't connect with the friends I have on a personal level, and the people who I would like to have as friends don't have the time of day to spend with me. So what am I to do? Hell if I know. Life is tough, but I'm tougher. The tough times can suck my balls when I'm done with them.
To throw it all away at 15 is a horrible waste of life. I know if I ended it at 15, everyone I know would be worse off for it. My best friend would have had no one to lean on for 6 years. My dad would fall back into the depression he has succeeded on clawing his way out of. My mom probably would have killed herself. People who I don't even know, who to them I have given "priceless advice" would probably have ended up making bad decisions. I would never have had a positive impact on any of them.
That's part of the problem. Sometimes we think too often of ourselves. We think "My life is so bad, nobody is helping me." When what we should be doing is helping others. We think "She doesn't love me anymore" or "He doesn't love me anymore" when what we should be thinking is "How can I make HER day brighter?", "How can I make HIM feel loved?" I've felt like there is no joy in the world, and that there is no hope. I was wrong. When I took the focus off my self, focused on someone else, and helped THEM, I found greater joy than I could have ever recieved waiting for it to happen to me. Period.
Don't forget. I've been where you are, I've felt how you felt, but I don't feel that way now. Maybe that's why I went through what I went through; to help you. Maybe that's why you're going through what you went through. Maybe when you're 21, feeling fine, you'll be able to help a depressed 15-old-girl who has no one to lean on but you.
Focus on someone else. Do something for someone else. Help someone else. It will change your life.
With love, hope, and sincere respect
-Evan
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(Rating: 5)
omg thank you sooo much for your time and consideration.
i cried after i read this- it touched me that deeply.
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