about

I am a 27 year old female from Scotland. I have a lot of life experience and will do my best to answer any questions you have honestly.

advice

I love this boy we'll call him "L". Well I dated him off and on for a year. He meant a whole lot to me and still does. I'm 15, I'll be 16 soon, and he's 16, 17 soon. I've known L for over 2 years and we've always had a "thing" for each other. After we seriously broke up from our year relationship, I was devastated. We needed it though, and while I was away from him I gained a lot of self confidence. It seems like he did the opposite. He's started to go down hill. We didn't talk for 4 months, and we have just recently started talking again. I miss him so much, and I want to help him get his stuff back together. More than anything, I want him to pull himself back together, and I want to help because I want him to know I'm here for him. I can't tell him this cause I'm scared he'll be scared away. Lately, I've also had the urge to have sex with him. I don't know why cause I haven't done anything with him since we broke up, and I'm a virgin and so is he. I've always thought he would be my first, because he is the first guy I've ever felt this connection with. I know all the pros and cons, I've evaluated it thoroughly and I know it's probably more of a bad idea, but I can't help but want it. He seems kind of interested in me, because he'll call me first and come see me when I want him to. I just don't really know what to do. Please help mee!! Thank you!

First of all let me say that the advice below is excellent!

I think the most important thing for 'L' is to be his friend. Praise him for the good things he does and encourage him to try new things/meet new people.

Tell him that we learn by our mistakes and should never regret anything as every mistake/failure/success makes us the individuals we are.

Moving on to the urge that you have to have sex with him. It may be that as you have previously been in a realtionship with him that you feel it would be "safe" to enter into a physical relationship with him.

Unfortunately, going down this route could in fact be very wrong for both of you. It may exaccerbate his self confidence issues and/or leave you feeling used if he does become more confident and decide that he wants a relationship with someone else.

When the time is right you will meet the person to lose your virginity to. This is not a decision to be taken lightly (as I think you are already aware). You should wait until you are in a longterm, secure and happy relationship with someone who is ready to take this step with you.

From my experience, girls who have rushed in because of their urges now regret it. I waited until I was in a loving relationship (which on reflection ended around nine months later) however, I do not regret it.

Take your time and be 100% sure before you take this next step.

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(Rating: 5) thank you very much. you make a lot of since, and i think that i agree with this all. thank you for putting everything into perspective. i appreciate it a lot.
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