Hey there. Ask away whatever you want answered and I'll do my best. Please avoid unconventional capitalization and spelling - it makes the questions harder to read and so I'm less likely to answer.
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sorry if this gets long, but i appreciate anyone who anwsers.
in the last two days i've lost over like seriously 5 friends. one of which imed me and told me about 5 people who think im a slut! one of which i like. but just met that day. because i typed that i cut myself.
im crying nonstop all the time, i hate who i am. ive been having suicide thoughts nonstop. im emotionally dead basically, and im hurting myself physically. i cant ask anyone for help, ill just scare them away /=
i used to be like this on and off, usually on, since 5th grade, i dont want pain anymore. i told everyone not to talk to me, im going to delete my myspace account.
one girl imed me telling me i have to give up a friendship for a while because of this kids girlfriend needing help, when i need it just as much. i feel like im a sob story. but im dead serious. i need help from anyone! (link)
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Oye, I've been where you are and I know it sucks. Hopefully what I say won't sound mean or offensive and I'm sorry if it does. I do know that telling you to "get over it" isn't what you need to hear. Anyway, here goes.
I'm betting you know this, but it's hard for people to help when you push them away by telling them not to talk to you. However, it should also be a clue that something is wrong and maybe they should be concerned. Sadly, there's not much you or I can do about them.
I can tell you that physical injury is addictive and it's a nasty habit to break (been there, done that) but I also know that it's a way to feel SOMETHING. Try this: write. Don't try to write a story or poem, just write whatever comes to mind. Don't edit it, don't worry about grammar, punctuation or anything like that. Just write whatever comes, regardless of how dark or hateful or pathetic it sounds. Rant about your "friends" or parents if you want. No one ever has to read it.
The best thing you can do about the low self-esteem is find something that will make you feel good about yourself. I found that physical activity is a great way to deal with the "fat and ugly" feeling because you're working. Getting the motivation takes work, but trust me, you can do it. All you have to do is go for a 10 minute bike ride, or a walk around the block and get into a habit of it. It's not easy (so maybe "all you have to do" is the wrong phrase), but I've been where you are and it does help.
When you start to feel like this, willpower is hard to have and you do tend to spend money the second you get it, and you start isolating yourself and having no motivation.
I don't know if you have the chance or ability, go speak with a counselor and just tell then you feel miserable and talk. If you can't do that, try the writing thing.
If you really need someone to talk to, you can certainly send me a message in my inbox.
:-) Try your best to find one reason (at least) to smile each day. Everyone has something to give the world (even if it feels like you don't) so don't let it go.
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Rating: 5
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thank you so much, i used to cut before and it is hard to get out of the habit, but you really helped me.
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