about

My name is Elly and I am 18 years old. I live in Michigan and I graduated High School in '07. I'm currently attending a great college, but I'm home for the summer. It's too nice outside to sit on the computer all day, so I might not be as active on here as I would like.

I guess a good way to describe me is experienced. I've discovered a lot about life and I can't wait to discover more... while having fun at the same time of course! ...BUT, like everyone, I have experienced things in life that I rather wish I hadn't. And I also feel that those bad experiences qualify me to help others with this column.

I have been in a serious relationship for over two and a half years now. I personally know that love is a difficult thing to nurture. It takes a lot of work. Life is NOT a fairytale where two people can simply love each other and everything will just fall into place. It doesn't work like that in the real world.

People on Advicenators are starting to disappoint me. Everyone says "ooh I want to help! I've experienced EVERYTHING!" Yet, I can't tell you how many questions I see with answers like "you could have googled that" or "we're not going to do your homework" or "I'm so sick of 'wow does he like me?!' questions." I used to sort of be like that, but now I realize how hypocritical that is. If I know the answer to a question, I will answer to the best of my ability without making you feel stupid for asking it in the first place. Advicenators is going to turn into a pretty nasty place if people just keep brushing off questions like that.

Rate or don't rate. I really don't care. But don't give me a 1 just because I tell you something you don't want to hear. Go to your mom for advice if you want sugarcoated answers.

I can give excellent advice on:
relationships/sex
friendship
family issues
anything about animals (i worked at a vet for several years)
college

advice

my boyfriend, i cheated on him. we have been in a relationship for little over a year, im going to make this short as possible. basically, we got into a fight [usually we resolve and what not] but these two boys were with me when they knew we were fighting. basically i hooked up with them bc i was mad at my bf. i cried the whole night regretting it. i then had to tell him; thats when everything was horrible. i told him, he wouldn't even talk to me, he just walked away while i cried because i truley regret it. he then cried after school because it finally hurt him so much. he even said i dont care if she cheated, i still love her. i dont know what to do, we've talked but things just aren't the same. i know i fucked up okay i just want everything to be okay between my boyfriend and i, we were best friends before together so yeah. how can we resolve this? ugh >:[

I'm proud of you for telling your boyfriend you cheated. You'll find that in the long run, your boyfriend will trust you more because you admitted your mistake and you didn't lie to him. Admitting that to him must have been really hard. It means you really do want to fix things.

Cheating is the hardest thing to get over in any relationship, but IT IS NOT impossible. Your boyfriend obviously still really loves you. You need to do something major to get him to forgive you. Write him a letter explaining how sorry you are and how much you wish he'd forgive you. Explain to him how you really feel. Hand him the letter in person.

At the end of the letter, put something like "if you're willing to work this out with me, call me."

Then set up a nice evening for the two of you. Have a picnic at the park or go out to dinner. While you're eating, the two of you can decide where to go next i.e. if you want to continue the relationship, be friends with benefits, etc. Next, the both of you need to discuss positive ways in order to get through the fights you two can and will encounter in the future. Then you need to discuss ways of letting out your anger in positive ways (such as writing it down, going for a run, listening to music, etc.).

Whenever my boyfriend and I get into arguments, we both do our best to stay calm and we give each other a minute to express their side of the argument without interruption. We take the time to try and understand the other person's point of view without resorting to name-calling. If we can't reach an agreement, we just dismiss it to avoid further conflict. Does this method work 100% of the time? No. But keeping these tips in mind does help us to stay calm.

Another thing to keep in mind when you two get into fights is this: STOP and ask yourself, "Is this really going to make a difference in one year? Is this worth risking my relationship over?" You'll find that in most cases, the things you argue over really aren't such a big deal after all.

I really hope the two of you can work things out. I'm sure with good communication you can have a healthy relationship again.

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(Rating: 5) thanks, i'll try your advice :)
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