I'm a woman in Texas. I'm married and have a school-aged child. I have a medical background. I'm quite liberal, socially. I love helping people with medical, parenting, and social questions. Don't ask me about tech stuff or finances, because I need advice on those things myself!
Gender: Female
Location: Texas
Age: 34
Member Since: December 17, 2006
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Last Update: September 2, 2007
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Xenolan
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Well when my mom and dad were married, they adopted 4 kids, myself, my younger brother, my older brother, and my older sister.
We arent blood related, all different, but from the same country.
Anyways, they were married for like 22 years and then they got divorced, I'm 16 now.
They got divorced when I was too little to understand, but as I got older I did go through the 'every other weekend' at my dads house, and on 'wednesdays' where i would visit with my younger brother.
Well my dad got married again,
then he got divorced,
and then he got married again to a women named *jane
And currently he's married to her right now.
See my dads like 52, and his wife is in her mid fortys I guess. I'm not sure.
But recently we found out that they are expecting a baby. My mom said it didnt really bug her anymore, but today during church, she just started balling and left the service, it was about mothers day.
She said it was because she doesnt think its fair we didnt have a dad growing up really, and now he's going to devote so much time a new baby. I understand that, and I feel really bad for her. But I really dont think I need a father, my dad and I never really had a relationhip, a good one, and he has been verbally abusive and sometimes physically but not horribly, and I think that is the cause why I have such resentment towards "men" I dont like my friends dads, because they make me uncomfortable.. but thats not the point, I cant deal with that problem right now.
What am I supposed to do about this,
I mean how am I supposed to feel?
I honestly dont care, my dad hasnt fully come out to me and told me that they are having a baby, but he already told my older sibblings,
and they told me.
He wont flat out tell me and my younger brother yet, he said that he has good news to tell us but wants to tell us with *jane. I already know what it will be. His whole spiel that he told my older sibblings.. "i love you, and even if i hav e ababy it wont change anything... i wont love it more than i love you... ' blah blah, frankly I dont care if he did.
Its not a big deal to me.
I dont know, if I'm asking for a specific question, its just my whole life has been "this" kind of complicated. Having divorced parents, and just the little things that happened, the things that you cant just explain to people on the internet, you know, I'm jsut confused, and I dont know what at all to think.
But PLEASE dont tell me I shoudl accept the baby and everything, I dont want to be part of its life. (link)
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Okay, so what I understand is that you're sad for your Mom, but you've come to terms with your father's lack of consistent parenting (or possibly consistent lack of parenting). You've dealt with his apparent inability to commit to a family and have come to the point where you just don't care what happens with his romantic life or his new family.
I'm sorry your mom is having a bit of a hard time with it, but she will have to come to terms with it in her own way and time. There is, of course, a lot of stuff for her to deal with. Mother's Day is a very vulnerable day for mothers who are grieving the loss of a parent, child, or a partner because we're reminded of how things could have been different. Probably tomorrow she'll be back to her normal self and coping better.
I don't think you need to feel any way other than how you feel! You aren't in denial about what your father has contributed to your life or what he has lacked. The only thing I think you might want to consider is that your new sibling may at some point want to know you. You may wish to keep yourself open to the possibility that you will want to know your brother or sister for his or her sake or for yours and not for your father's. It's possible that you won't, but I hope you'll keep the options open.
I think you should smile, say congratulations to your father and his wife, and listen to your father say how he'll still love you the same, knowing that even if he doesn't, it's not that big a difference in your estimation. If it doesn't feel like a big deal, don't force it. And if you feel differently later on, then you can deal with it at that point.
I hope I have helped.
Sabine
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Rating: 5
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thank you so much.
you really understood what I tried to say.
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