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Q: I am kind of in a predicament here. Or at least I feel really confused. (It is quite long, I’m sorry)

My boyfriend and I have been dating for quite a while, nearly a year. I love him a lot and I feel that things were going smoothly. However, a few weeks ago his ex came back to NY. (She had moved to VA before) And I felt that it was nothing really. The background is that he had dated her for a long time as well, about two years or so and from his friends, they told me that he really liked her (when they were dating) and the reason they broke up was because she had to move to VA and because she thought she’ll be leaving permanently, they decided to stop their relationship so it won’t drag on.

So I guess that isn’t really the problem but I can’t help but feel queasy when I see them together. They are hanging out together a lot nowadays. They way they laugh at each others jokes and how she smiles at him, is just getting me nervous. But she is a really nice person at least to everyone around her. However sometimes when she talks to me I feel that her smile is kind of forced. I guess it is just an instinct or maybe I am just paranoid. But I mean that her smile is really bright and she seems really happy but her eyes don’t tell me that. They are still and solemn despite her smile. Maybe I am just imagining things but I can’t help but feel…insecure I guess? I know it sounds really childish to be jealous when there probably isn’t anything wrong.

I feel kind of bad to be thinking this way and feeling that there is something going on…but I just can’t help the feeling. I talked to my closest friend and she tells me she understands. (She tells me she doesn’t like his ex either) So I have no idea now. I just don’t know if…my feelings are right or should I just stop thinking senselessly and acting childish? Should I just let things go and pretend to be alright? I don’t want to talk to my boyfriend because I love him and I don’t want to be not trusting him (I feel so guilty inside for thinking and feeling this way, it seems as if I don’t trust him but I really do- I just can’t help…) And it is not that he is neglecting me. He has been really sweet throughout our time together, and despite his ex’s arrival, he is still really nice to me. What should I do? Is it wrong to feel such a way? Am I considered selfish to feel queasy when I see them? Is it considered a lack of trust? I just…don’t know.

It's understandable to feel that way, especially with what you've heard about their relationship. And her coming back will make you feel a bit uncomfortable. Plus the fact that they're also hanging out alot is going to worry you. You shouldn't be expected to be perfectly fine with all of it. Talking to him about it isn't going to do any harm, it'll help him understand how you feel about it. Don't tell him not to talk to her or demand anything. Just let him know that it makes you feel a bit uncomfortable seeing the two of them around eachother so much. It's not wrong to feel that way at all. You're not being selfish, you have no reason to feel that you are, you can't control how you feel. And just because it makes you uncomfortable or worried doesn't mean there's a lack of trust there's just always that worry, there always will be, it's like an instinct with relationships. It's going to happen. Do not feel bad about it, don't stress yourself out even more with things that you don't even need to think about.

Rating: 5

Thank you so much. I really needed reassurance about this situation. I think I will listen to your advice and talk with him. Thank you.

bio

My name is Cathy, as you can tell by my user name. I live in Florida and have been for the past 6 to 7 years. I'm in a very serious relationship with the boy of my dreams. I love him very much so, and nothing will ever change this, whether together or apart. I have a chihuahua by the name of Mung Mung. I'm half Korean and Half Scott-Irish. And that's about it for now =]