My name is Jesa, ask a question, get an answer.
Gender: Female
Location: Washington
Occupation: Student
Age: 24
Member Since: January 17, 2006
Answers: 158
Last Update: October 23, 2009
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karenR
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I am 43 years old and have been married to a loving, thoughtful man for 16 years and we have a 14 year old son.
Unfotunately,a recent argument has spurred my husband to suddenly decide to take an overseas civilian contractor job in Iraq for 6 months! The original source of the argument was petty (I moved a drinking glass) but he says that he's short tempered because he's been under a lot of stress lately over the deep financial debt we're in. (We have an astronomical mortgage payment and three vehicle payements which take up practically our entire paychecks.) He says this job will pay $8000 a month and we can have all the cars paid off in 6 months and will be able to live a little more comfortably.
To make a long story short, I'm so angry and scared over this that it's making me physically ill. We've had several fights over this and I'm at the point now where I can barely stay under the same roof with him. He says I'm not being supportive while I think he should have looked into local job options or let me take a night job. Most of all, I think he should have given this more thought. (My husband has a long history of doing impulsive things only to regret them later - which is why we have the three car payments and the huge mortgage!) Instead, he let his friends talk him into this and only three weeks after the initial incident which started all this, he's all processed and is set to fly out on April 29th. So much for giving this some thought!!!
I've got no one to talk to about this and have been pretty much keeping to myself over the past couple of weeks. I just don't know how to cope with this. He slapped me with this so suddenly and expects me to be cool with it.
Am I being unreasonable? I'm so confused and so full of resentment that I can't think straight. One minute I'm crying and the next minute my blood is boiling in rage.
Any advice would be appreciated. I know that you military wives are in a different situation because your husbands have no control over where they are sent and you are put into a position where you HAVE to cope while my husband will be going over there voluntarily. But I'd still like to hear how you cope. What emotions did you have to deal with?
And if there are any other overseas contractor spouses out there in the same situation I'm in now, I'd definitely love to hear from you.
Thanks. (link)
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I'm a military wife, and believe me I feel your pain and rage. My husband joined the army right out of highschool "volentarily," what they dont mention on the news at that most at his age with no work experience don't have a lot of options. He is nearly done now one year and two months exactly and we are free. I have been sick with fear outrage and disgust, for nearly three years. however we have been beyond lucky he has not had a tour in Iraq yet, but he did spend one full year in south korea without me, we'd only been married about 7 months, when he left. It was right after he joined they packed him off. anyways more to the point if there is a such thing as coping with this sitch I'm clueless. our marriage was nearly destroyed. However alot of military wives will give you all kinds of BS like be proud your husbands doing a good thing. theyll tell you to let your friends and family help you through it. if thats the route you take good luck, I found friends and family can't help because they don't understand what your going through. I personally drank and smoked pot the whole year, completely not kidding. obviously that is not good advice, just honesty, I did not cope well, but unlike other people i will tell you what sure as hell would've helped had I known it then.
1st get him a really good cellphone and half a dozen phone cards to take with.
2nd get yourself a voice over internet phone VOIP
comcast and other cable companies now offer it. I however use sunrocket (you find them online) either way get international. because if you don't and you plan to talk to your man that 8 grand won't help a whole lot. 3rd do everything you can to make all your phone or internet convos pleasant, absolutley no fighting. theres nothin worse than getting off the phone with you both pissed and him thousands of miles away with no wifely supervision. whether its true or not believe me your mind will go wild with possible scenerios. 4th avoid watching the news, everytime someone gets killed there (daily) youll trip out with worry. 5th make sure you have complete acsess to the funds he's making if he will be helping to pay the bills (ie the cars). talk to him often on the phone schedule time for it because there like a day ahead of us over there. 6th, keep busy, go out with your girls as often as possible and I found it helpful to help my friends let them lay thier troubles at your feet, It'll keep your mind on others probs instead of your own. Keep a calander and tick off the days that actually really helps. last but not least stash as much extra cash as you can i know you need to pay your bills but anything else save save save save so when he gets home you guys will be set for awhile if you don't it will be the same all over and he may turn around for another go at it. feel free to email me at nighthunter020@yahoo.com if you ever need to chat. by the way if your into reading buy like 50 used books that sound good and read one every day or week depending on your speed. the time will fly by. Good Luck
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Rating: 5
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Thanks for the sympathetic "ear" and the common sense advice.
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