MODERNDURATION's advice column

askMODERNDURATION

advice column ask question view feedback favorite columnist advicenators

Q: when i was 9 or 10 my brother molested me. the molestation went so far i would even call it rape. while it was going on i told him no i didnt want to but he made me think i was wrong for not wanting to. afterwards he tried to have these sex talks with me about how to do sexual acts and what happens when guys get excited, i finally told him i didn;t want to talk about this with him. it took alot of courage but i hated it, i hated him. he told me if i told anybody he would tell them that i touched him, and that nobody would believe me. i felt disgusting, and i thought [still think] people will think i am disgusting for letting that happen to me.

now im 15 and it still horrifies me. i have never told anybody because im afraid they will think i am gross. i can never tell my parents, NEVER, because they will not believe me. He hides it so well and soemtiems i even wonder if he remembers doing it. once i braught it up, he acted like he didnt know what i was talking about and i sut up quickly, i didnt want to talk about it. I know it happened... but there is nothing i can do

now it is a huge problem b/c i have been dating this great guy for 3 months and i won't let him touch me. at first i just told him i was prude but when he puts his arms around me i freak, and once i decided to just ignore it and make out with him as uncomfortable as i was, he hand started to go up my shirt and i ran out of the room and started to cry hysterically. this shouldnt still be happening, but it is affecting me now more than ever.

i need this to go away
please help me forget about this and overcome my fear of somebody touching me. my bf is going to dump me if i keep doing this, he doesnt know why, im never going to tell him.

please help im desperate

okay well i think you need to talk to someone about what happened to you. If you dont get this out it will only keep affecting you even more and it will hold you back in life. Possibly you could go to your school and see if there are any consulers you can see outside of school if you dont feel comfortable talking to the ones at school and somehow arrange to see them. if you have friend who drive that can help. Just talk about it you need to tell someone. Now as for the situation with your boyfriend he is probably feeling like he has done something wrong such as violate you. What you have to do is be honest with him now, i am not saying tell him the whole ordeal but tell him you were molested when you were younger. If he loves you he will understand and you both will work it out. Good Luck.

Rating: 5

thank you so much for your time
it means alot

bio

Hello there the names Brittni, I decided to make a site on advicenators because i wanted to help others with their struggles, its a passion of mine, i hope one day to achieve my dream of opening a center for teens. Let it be known that i will never judge you based on a question you ask, i will simply give you an answer i find fitting, but dont expect me to candy coat my answer, im going to be honest. In the past i have been faced with many difficult things and looking back i am confident i made the right decisions. I've been through a lot personally, i've heard a lot, I've seen a lot, I've grown a lot. Heck, i know im not perfect but im the best version of myself i can be which is perfection in my eyes. I know sometimes speaking to someone you know about your issue is hard, trust me i've been there. Just like i have helped others i am here to help you with the best intentions. So i am here for you if you need me.

never feel hesitant when asking me a question, leave me one in my inbox and i will get back to you as soon as possible.