About Wrain
Hello,
My name is Paige and I have been giving advice for many years now. If you are having problems and just don't know where to turn for that answer you are looking for, look no further, I am here for you.
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E-mail: paigetalor@yahoo.com
Gender: Female
Location: Welsh, La
Occupation: Advice Columnist
Age: 41
Yahoo: paigetalor
Member Since: December 29, 2006
Answers: 7
Last Update: December 31, 2006
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I really don't even know where to begin. My boyfriend found out two months ago that he was potentially the father of a two year old girl. He took the DNA test and he is the father. We have been together since a couple of months after the child was conceived. I have a 6 year old and we have a ten month old together.
The mother of the little girl was arrested for drug use and the child was put in temporary custody of the grandmother.
My boyfriend wasn't even in a relationship with this girl, it was just a very stupid mistake he made. Now they are trying to get him for back child support, as well as current support and medical bills since she got assistance from the state. Our children currently get medical coverage from the state so I don't see why he should be responsible for this other kids medical bills.
He has wanted to give up his rights to the child since we first found out about it. At first I tried to get him to do the right thing and try and get custody, but the more I think about it the more angry I get. I feel betrayed and hurt about this and it has me very depressed. I am trying to be strong for my children but I don't know what we should do. I love my boyfriend very much but I don't know if I can deal with him having a child with someone else. Just the thought of it makes me want to strangle him. If he had known about this child before I entered into a relationship with him I probably wouldn't ever been with him.
I sometimes think it would be best for him to try for custody for the sake of the child, but at the same time I feel I would have a strong hatred for her. Besides the emotional issues I'm not sure we could financially. I'm so tired of feeling like I am being torn apart inside. I just don't know what to do.
I'm really not a bad person, but I just can't figure out if I should stay with him or just leave. If I stay I don't know what we should do about this whole mess. Should I let him try and sign over his rights to her and just forget about it? He wants our lives the way they were before we found out any of this. I do too, but should we try and get custody of her even though it could ruin our relationship?
I really need some advice first of all to help myself feel better and not be so angry at him and the child(even though I know it isn't her fault, I feel like it is because she was born) Then I need advice about what we should do as a family. I would really appreciate some unbiased advice. Thanks
Well first of all this is his daughter and regardless of weather or not he was with the mother for awhile or it was just a one night stand means nothing since you didn't get with him until after they were done.
You have a child by a previous boyfriend/husband and he seems like it does not bother him. You didn't fall in love with him because he did not have any children, you feel in love with him because he was right for you. The little girl needs her father and she needs a mother figure. For you to hate her is just not fair to her or her father. She is innocent in all this. She did not ask to be brought into this world and it is his responsibility to step up to the plate and be a father. If you cannot deal with this you need to let him go and find a woman that can support his role as a father.
I think if you two were to spend time with the little girl and you could form a bond with her, you might have a different outlook on it. You owe it to your boyfriend, his daughter and your children to at least try and make this work.
What you should do as a family is to try and make a family including the little girl, she needs you both. Don't deprive her of her father because you are mad at something he did before he met you.
Good luck with this and keep me posted.
Wrain
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(Rating: 3)
The only thing is even though it technically is his child he doesn't consider her to be. He has never seen her or talked to her so he doesn't seem to care.
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