My boyfriend and I have been together for about 9 months. The first part of the relationship was long distance, so I didn't really think anything of it when he seemed uncomfortable. But, looking back, from the beginning he seemed hesistant about having sex with me. It was I who initiated our first time together and he just didn't seem as eager as I did. And to be honest with you, I can count how many times we have had sex in all of that time. I would say, and this is being generous, about 20 times, maybe, and as of now, I can't remember the last time we did it, maybe 2 months ago. He is very affectionate in other ways, but when it comes to that, he just doesn't seem that interested. Its always some excuse. I used to be on him about it everyday, asking questions, but now I don't say anything and I think that he is happier with that. I have never had this problem before, my last boyfriend loved having sex with me, but now sometimes I doubt my ability to please someone sexually. Another thing is that he never compliments me. Ever. I always have to say something first. Even on my birthday, of all days, I was looking good and he didn't say anything until my roomate said something. I feel that I have tried to talk to him and approach this situation in an adult manner, but I feel jilted. He never presented this side of himself before we started dating. I even asked him if he was gay. Nothing. And I see him checking out other women so I know that he is attracted to females. I feel that I am too young to give up my sexual life and not just on a physical level, but what it can help nurture between man and woman who love each other. I am not ugly, I just finished modeling not even a year ago, I am not overweight, I am not a prude in bed either, I don't stink. I feel I have tried everything and its frustrating to see someone that you love so happy not to be close to you, but want to be up under me all the time, just not that way. Should I even bother to stick around and see what the problem is or just leave now.
I really don't think it is you I think it is something within him. Sex is not all there is to a relationship but it is a good part of it. You said you have tried talking to him but get nowhere. Ask yourself, when you two did have sex, was it good, did he get into it or was it like hurry and lets get it over with. He may need extra stimulation in order to get "in the mood" or he may be lacking testastarone. If you love him don't leave him over sex but try to find out what is going on with him and offer to work through it with him.
Alot of guys are shy about ED and he may need a gentle approach to it but if you really love him, stick by his side and try to get to the bottom of it with him
Good luck and let me know how it goes.
Wrain
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(Rating: 5)
Thank you, out of all of the columnist I can tell that you are of age and not talking from inexperience. I think the same thing too, about my boyfriend, that its him. When we did have sex, it was over in a hurry. I never bashed him at those moments, but I tried to talk to him later about it, without any success. I don't feel connected to him during sex, I feel opposite of that. He never makes any noises and I have tried all the oldies but goodies, if you know what I mean and he'll rise to the occasion for that. He doesn't like to talk about anything intimate if he thiinks that it is negative. No matter how I try and put it to him. I am a woman and I don't yell and argue with him about petty things. I don't make scenes in public, I always carry myself with class. The last time we had sex I actually started crying during, because I felt like I was being used. I told him this and he apologized, but we haven't done it since (about 2 months ago. And to be honest, part of me rejects him because I feel he reject me. Its affecting the way that I love him. In every other way, I feel like we are close, but when it comes to sex, that is the worst thing between us. And as you said before, it is not everything, but it is a large portion of it, and he is talking about being together for awhile, if you know what I mean, and I just can't see myself living like that forever. I guess I am to that point where I feel like talking isn't going to make much of a difference. I have talked to him about breaking up more than one time, I gave him the easy way out and everything, but he still insists on staying together and making it work. I can handle anything that he throws at me, and I have told him, seriously, that we could still be cool, no hard feelings, maybe he jumped into something that he really didn't want, but still he wants to stay. I can understand all of it, up till the point where you would want to be with someone that you don't like that way. From what he told me before, this happened in his last relationship too. But of course I didn;t hear about it until after it happened with us. I am tired wrain, I am sick and tired of the excuses, if he needs help then I wish that he would get it, then I would have something to work with, but as of now, if he doesn't care, then part of me doesn't either.
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