about

Hello All,
I am counsellor with over 12 years experience specializing in parenting, families, youth and mental health. I answer questions in a blunt and straightforward way so if you are looking for coddling or really touchy feely type advice thats not me I provide real solutions for your problems and concrete suggestions in other words I tell you the plain truth I don't sugarcoat.

I am really worried these days with the easy access to the internet and all the false information that is out there and the fact that people believe it!! So please ask first. I don't claim to have all the answers but I can claim that NOTHING will shock me you can try though :)

I look forward to hearing you thoughts and questions.

advice

My boyfriend (30yrs) and I (28yrs) met in Australia and I moved to Ireland to be with him, we have only been together (officially) for a year. I found out we were pregnant the other day and whilst I am scared and nervous about it I want to have the baby as I feel we are strong enough to get make it happen and abortion is not an option in my mind. My boyfriend said he will support me what ever I decide but I know he is freaked out by it. I have tried talking to him and I understand his fears. He is worried about finances and that our 1/2 renovated house is not child suitable but I think his biggest worry is that is life of going to clubs and festivals during the summer will be over for ever and he will be chained to the couch for ever. I have tried to tell him life will change but its not the end of his life and things will be different. I asked him if the option was there of an abortion would he want that and he said yes he would. This really hurts me as I dont believe in abortion and I am ready for a baby in some way I am actually excited and would have liked it to have been a planned pregnancy and a mutually wanted baby. Later he came back and said he doesn't want me to have an abortion but he is not sure about me having it. What am I meant to do have half a baby and half of an abortion?? What do I do? Do i give him time to get used to the idea? I dont want him to feel forced into this and him become resentful? Do I just go home to Australia and leave him to his party life? (which really aint that party hard anyway). We are a strong strong very happy and in love couple but I dont want to force this on him but then it was the two of us that got pregnant, why am I meant to feel like I am forcing this on him?? oh its all so confusing? can he go to any decent websites for advice on this stuff? I have checked ou a few sights about girlfirends getting pregnant but they are all for younger guys?

Having lived in Ireland myself and marrying an Irish man, here is my take. While much of the culture is perceived to be drinking and carousing the reality is that at the heart of it most Irish men want women who are strong, and capable. Give him some time to digest this but don't let him off the hook either. Tell him that while yes it's unplanned it is a reality that he needs to deal with, it is not a question of you forcing this on him unless you forced him to have sex. He needs to step up he is scared as I am sure you are as well but this is reality. Men are as a rule a little slower then us at digesting information.

While having a child changes things beyond comprehension, in Ireland esp. it does not mean the end of all you know, I remember the first time I was in my local and saw a woman breast feeding while having a few bevvies at the same time. This is the norm there point out to him that this is the next step, try and stick it out and don't go back to Australia until you give a life as a family a solid 200% shot.

If you need to talk/advice on anything pregnancy etc... from one who has been there with an Irishman let me know!

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(Rating: 5) Thanks so much for the great advice I wont be going home.
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