about

Hello All,
I am counsellor with over 12 years experience specializing in parenting, families, youth and mental health. I answer questions in a blunt and straightforward way so if you are looking for coddling or really touchy feely type advice thats not me I provide real solutions for your problems and concrete suggestions in other words I tell you the plain truth I don't sugarcoat.

I am really worried these days with the easy access to the internet and all the false information that is out there and the fact that people believe it!! So please ask first. I don't claim to have all the answers but I can claim that NOTHING will shock me you can try though :)

I look forward to hearing you thoughts and questions.

advice

I'm torn and at a loss. I'm very close friends with a married couple. The husband has become like my brother. He's very protective of me and has been there for me more than I could ever ask for. I go to church with him, his wife, kids, and his parents. Well, a little over a year ago me and my fiance broke up and I got into the whole partying scene with his wife. One night, this guy was over at their house and she was prancing in front of this guy in a short tshirt and thongs. I ignored it. Then at this party a month or so later, a bunch of us were playing poker and it turned into strip poker. I quit, but she continued playing (she was the only woman playing). She was sitting in a guy's lap and the only thing she was down to was her thongs and cowboy hat. I felt this alone was cheating. Well, things went a little further that night and she told me that her and him kissed. But I feel it may have went further than that. They continued calling each other for a week or so after this happened. I urged her to stop. She'd admit that it was bad, but she would continue. So, I backed off and got back in church. This summer we started hanging out again, and before I know it - I'm pulled right back into the same situation - knowing and seeing her mess with this guy. I've recently found out that she's been with a few more guys that I know. It's so hard for me - I want to tell her husband so bad because it's unfair to him. But I've vowed to stay out of it.

More bad news...I've fallen for her husband hard. Feelings I've never felt before, I'm feeling for him. Sometimes the way he looks at me and talks to me - I feel he may feel the same way. My mom believes he feels feelings for me also but he's trying so hard to make his marriage work. His mother has made comments to me and my mom before that she wishes he would have met me before his current wife because he would date me in a heartbeat. I've backed off from him because I know I don't need to feel the way I do. But he'll call me or will come see me and I just break down b/c it hurts so much. I just dont know what to do. Can someone help me and steer me into a direction that's right? I don't feel I'm in a position to be a homewrecker...

Ok there is more then one issue here as far as I can tell, first off your attraction for your friends husband; this is honestly a no go zone. If and I believe when they end their marriage you can re-evaluate the situation as a new issue for the time being you should try and take yourself out of that triangle as much as possible by giving them space to realize that their marriage is not working.

The 2nd issue is that of telling your friends husband about her indiscretions. If this comes from you he will most likely resent you for bearing the news forever. If however the topic were to come up in conversation with his parents, or mutual friends then you would not be the only one bearing the burden of this information.

Keep in mind that this woman is a mother as well and although she is acting like anything but one she is still a mom and to damage her in the eyes of her husband and therefore them reminding her of this may help her to either stop this immature behavior or force her to make a decsion in regards to her marriage.

Hope this helps.

[view]

(Rating: 5) I know this is kinda late, but I thought I would give you an update as well. The marriage hit an even rockier road and he called me one night to talk to me. He was upset and beating himself up about some of the problems in the marriage (i.e. one of her friends kissed him and his wife walked in). His wife has been blaming all of their marital problems on him and making him out the bad guy. In the midst of it, it was eating me up. I casually asked him if she ever cheated on him and he sighed and said not to his knowledge and why. I just said that I was wondering. He said, has she ever eluded you to believe that she may have? I said, I don't know. I'm not getting into it. He said, no. I need to know. So, I broke down crying and told him everything and he went home and confronted her with all of it. She denied it at first and said that I misunderstood. She eventually come clean and told him the truth.

Thanks to the good Lord above, neither one of them are mad with me and both have called me numerous times telling me how much I mean to them and how much they love me. They've assured me that if things don't work out, they're still friends with me and love me and that they are not upset with me because I was honest. His wife even sincerely apologized to me for ever putting me in those positions. Thanks so much for you advice, I truly appreciate it. I held out until the right moment when I felt it was appropriate.
<<< Previous Advice Column
Next Advice Column >>>
eXTReMe Tracker