about

Hello All,
I am counsellor with over 12 years experience specializing in parenting, families, youth and mental health. I answer questions in a blunt and straightforward way so if you are looking for coddling or really touchy feely type advice thats not me I provide real solutions for your problems and concrete suggestions in other words I tell you the plain truth I don't sugarcoat.

I am really worried these days with the easy access to the internet and all the false information that is out there and the fact that people believe it!! So please ask first. I don't claim to have all the answers but I can claim that NOTHING will shock me you can try though :)

I look forward to hearing you thoughts and questions.

advice

I don't know what to do and I really need advice.

My twin sister hates me. At least, I think she does. She acts like she does.

I moved out nearly a year ago into a flat with my boyfriend and since then, my relationship with everyone has improved....except with my sister. I've tried everything. I've got her round for an evening to watch movies, I even cooked a meal for her the day before yesterday. I invite her places and generally try to reach out and be sisterly.....but all she does is bitch at me.

For example, when I was there on Sunday, any time I said anything about the house (including innocently asking why there was a heap of bedclothes in the middle of my parent's bed), I got told that it was none of my business, because I don't live there any more. Then, when I try speaking to her about anything neutral, such as how work is with her and so on, she clams up. She won't talk to me and on the occasions she does, she does nothing but snap and be rude, ill mannered and.....I just don't know if I can cope with it.

It's getting to the stage where it is just easier to shut her out all together because I can't handle the way she rejects me all the time. Everyone has seen it, so I know it isn't me being paranoid.

I need some advice on how to handle it. I've tried fighting back, I've tried not saying anything..all I can do is get angry and cry.

Please help. Any advice will be gratefull received.

It sounds ti me that your sister may be jealous and have feelings of being left out as you are both twins and you are becoming an adult and moving on through life she probably views herself as stuck in a rut.

Here is my suggestion to you; write her a note or a card and tell her all the things that you are feeling and that you are trying to have an adult relationship with her but at this point you have run out of options. There is only so many times that she can push you away, tell her that the ball is now in her court and when she wants to be sisters again you will be waiting with open arms but until then any contact is up to her to initiate.

Doing this may open her eyes to the error of her ways and if not you have done all you can. Continue attending family occasions and outings when she will be there but simply be polite but distant until she makes that all important first move. You have done nothing wrong and its time to stop putting up with her crap!

Hope this helps.

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(Rating: 5) That's a really good idea. I never thought of that. I don't know if she feels left out but you could be right about the 'stuck in a rut' thing. I will give it a try (and warn my parents beforehand!)Thank you so much.
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