about

Hello All,
I am counsellor with over 12 years experience specializing in parenting, families, youth and mental health. I answer questions in a blunt and straightforward way so if you are looking for coddling or really touchy feely type advice thats not me I provide real solutions for your problems and concrete suggestions in other words I tell you the plain truth I don't sugarcoat.

I am really worried these days with the easy access to the internet and all the false information that is out there and the fact that people believe it!! So please ask first. I don't claim to have all the answers but I can claim that NOTHING will shock me you can try though :)

I look forward to hearing you thoughts and questions.

advice

This might be kinda long and in depth i apreaciate it if you read all of it.

First of all im 19/f and my boyfriend is also 19. We'll call him J. Ok, so J and I have been together for 3 years, four next july. He treats me better than I could ever ask, and does things for me. We planned on getting married and probably having children together. The thing is over the past 2 years I've gotten really sick. I spend alot of time at hospitals and in doctors offices. Ever since six months ago, I've been on treatment for cervical cancer. It's working but the side affects are making me sicker than ever. Some days it's even hard for me to get out of bed. So what I'm getting at.. I always feel so guilty and upset about hurting him because of my sicknesses. I don't feel like a good girlfriend because I can't do some of the things he does for me. He tells me not to worry about it and it'll be worth the wait, but it isn't that simple for me. I feel like he deserves better, someone that can do things for him and make him happy. I know he isn't. I know how bad he wants kids, and now I might not be able to give him that. We don't get to do alot together and we LIVE together. It sucks so bad I don't even know what to do anymore. Any advice would mean alot to me.

Thanks

First of all I am so sorry about your illness. As for your situation, I see this a lot with clients who are ill, you feel guilt because you feel less then a whole person right now, also due to your illness you may be experiencing depression.

The whole point of a relationship is the give and take as well as having someone who loves you and puts you first. You obviously have a man who loves you beyond reason, be thankful for that aspect of your life right now.

Don't make any major decsions right now, you are not in any sort of positive space right now. Wait until your health is back on track and then tackle the tough stuff.

As for your ability or inabilty to have children in the future, don't even take the time to think about this right now, yes it may become a concern in the future but medicine is making advances every day not to mention there is the always other options like adoption and suragacy (sp?).

Right now you are focusing on pretty much any serious that your mind can come up with in order not to contemplate the seriousness of your illness, I am a firm believer in the benefits of positive thinking, also for the side effects from the treatments I have seen remarkable things when patients look into alternative medicine for relief from the fatigue, and other general malaise and feelings of crappiness.

If you ever need to vent or just need an ear or a shoulder please feel free. My email is sassysara_1975@hotmail.com.

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