Okay 25/F here with major realtionship issues. Recently me and my boyfriend of 7 years decided to have a separation, well more like I decided. So he moved out (we own a house together) and I have now been living alone for 3 weeks. The plan was for him to go get help and for me to sort out my feelings and then he would move back in after a month and then we could see how things went from there. So why did we separate? He is very controlling and jealous, he was constantly calling me names and accusing me of cheating, so basically calling me a whore. He say's he doesn't really think I cheat but he just gets mad and that he's jealous of my job, because they get more attention then I do. I am never allowed to go anywhere and have alienated every friend beacuse he thinks that you should not go out unless your significant other is with you. So there's no "girls night" for me. If I even go to the store he clocks me and gets pissed about how long I take. The longer we're together the less I cuddle, kiss or do anything with him at all. The only time I am intimate with him, I am being forced by him complaining and some sense of duty for the relationship. Basically it's aweful and his touch disgusts me now. Despite all his faults he loves me very much perhaps too much and he has always been there for me when I had tough things to deal with. He wants to marry me and have kids but I am not ready for that, I care about him but for some reason I can't seem to marry him. On top of it all I have formed this infatuation for a co-worker and my BF senses their is something between me and this other guy, if he even new about flirting then he would seriously go down there and beat him to a pulp. So our month break thing is almost up, and I still don't know what I want, he has been going to a Psychologist and he recognizes his problems and I appreciate his effort but I can't seem to make myself "feel" and he says that I just don't care, but I do I just can't explain what it is I feel. If I leave him he will serisouly snap, he already threatened to kill himself when I asked for the separation. I don't know what to do, if he really did change will my feelings all come back or did I fall out of love with him and is it too late? Or am I so focused on this other guy that I am not appreciating what I already have. I feel so lost right now. :(
It doesn't sound to me like love honey, but obsession and that is way different than love. Love is kind and giving while obsession is demanding and controling. Ring a bell?? Do you really want to spend your life being controled and not having healthy friendships? I would think not. I think it's great that he is getting help and that he atleast does recognise that he does have a problem. I really don't think a month is long enough to wait. It takes a while to deal with these kind of issues. The way you say this guy makes you feel and the fact that you are interested in someone else leads me to believe you are ready to break things off permanantly but you are stayign with him out of guilt. I mean he IS getting help so he can be with you right? So you owe it to him right? wrong!! Wether you two are together or not he needs help with these issues. I'm not saying you have to be unkind but I think you are ready to move on. If that is what you are feeling then that is what you should do. Staying with him will only lead to resentment. You will feel pressured to stay with him and that will only lead to other problems. As far as him threatening to kill himself that is more than likely just another way of controling you. If he threatens this again and you are sincerely concerned he might be a danger to himself you can call 911 and let them take care of it.Do what your heart tells you to do. Don't operate out of guilt, but rather what you feel is best for you.
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(Rating: 5)
Great advice thanks so much!
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