I have a lot of life experience and a background in education and some counselling. The following are quotes from friends and family regarding advice I have given them in the past:
"You are so direct and to the point but not harsh."
"You have a lot of wisdom."
"You always know how to cut right to the heart of the matter."
I believe that I tell it like it is but I am also senstive to other's feelings and I am able to see things from various perspectives. Hopefully, I can help you too.
Gender: Female
Member Since: June 26, 2006
Answers: 28
Last Update: September 22, 2006
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Sixteen years old and male. I'm not sure why, but I don't talk to my father. I don't hate him or dislike him. My uncle noticed that when he stayed to visit and told me that I need to go up and talk to him more often. I tried to, but I guess after awhile I stopped. What really got to me was that my sister said that to me too, and she's younger than me. I guess it's that noticable. But I want to know what I could do to start conversations and talk. The only time he goes out of his way to talk to me is when he needs me to fix the computer or get him something (and I'm not exagerating). He gets home late and is always busy when he's home.
Should I write him e-mails? He is constantly checking his e-mail. I do feel somewhat uncomfortable talking to him about anything more than the Yankees game. Generally I'm not too open, it's not easy for me - but it's really bothering me now because I want to create an open line of communication, but I don't know how to start or what to do to make sure that once I start it doesn't fall apart. Any advice? Thanks. (link)
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The first thing I would offer you is to point out that the relationship you and your dad have is not only your fault. Your father has at least 50% of the responsibility here. I say this not to point fingers but to take some of the blame off of yourself. Clearly your dad is the type of person who is not comfortable with a lot of intimacy in his closest relationships, perhaps to the point of being fearful of expressing even positive feelings. I am impressed that at 16 you notice this in both your dad and in yourself and care to make changes. I didn't start to make changes in my relatiosnship with my parents until I was well into my 20s. So, you are way ahead of the game; all of your subsequent realationships will be better off for it.
After having stated that both you and your dad are somewhere at 50/50 with this problem, does that mean that you only have to do half of the work to help your relationship? I believe not. I believe that you alone can make changes in your own behaviour with him which could have a 1oo% influence over this relationship.
You mentioned that your conversations currently are at the level of discussing the Yankees. Personally, I think this is a fine place to begin. Many men are most comfortable in these kinds of areas (ie. sports, cars, etc.). If this is where his comfort zone is then find commonalities here that you two can bond over. Maybe next time you guys talk sports, you could risk extending an invitation such as, "It would be great to go to a game with you sometime, Dad." I think you may be surprised by how happy this would make him.
I think your idea of emailing is a great one. It could be a very safe way for both of you to open up more than you would otherwise.
Good luck with it.
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