about

My name is Kambrey and I am a very oppinionated and strong willed person, however I am also very open-minded to new ways of thinking and others opinions. Being a minority where I live has helped open my eyes to the struggles of others. And since the minority I belong to is a religious one I am also very repectful of others beliefs, life styles and points of view. I know it's hard to be different sometimes, and even harder asking for help when your worried others are judging you. I'm NOT going to judge you. Period. My only purpose is to help. Feel free to hit me with ANY question you need help with! And to anyone reading my column with comments, oppinions or really any constructive critisism PLEASE let me know! Can't wait to hear from you! ~Kambrey
P.S.- Feel free to hit me up at my private e-mail for questions you don't want displayed on the site! AskKambrey@yahoo.com

advice

ok.. so there's this guy. we used to be BEST FRIENDS.. we talked about everything. he would flirt with me all the time even if he HAD girlfriends (one happened to be my best friend) and i admit i flirted back. sooner or later i fell for him.. and this was also even when he had a girlfriend. only my close friends knew, but my heart seriously ACHED for him. his girlfriend broke up with him.. he was SINGLE.. things didn't change.. still best friends. so then he asks out my best friend again (the one he went out with before) and she turns him down and him and his friend call me one night and tell me he likes me alot and he asks me out. OF COURSE i say yes.. we were together.. everything was perfect. he was the perfect boyfriend anyone could ever ask for. his smile was amazing and he could make me laugh no matter how bad i felt. but then i got a text message just out of the blue after a week or so of us going out and he says he wants to just be friends like we used to be.. and my heart just drops. i cry and cry.. all my friends were calling me and i couldn't even talk while tears were running down my face. the next day i sat right next to him in social studies and i felt tears swelling up in my eyes. he tried to make things go back to normal and we talked.. just acted like everything was alright when inside i was dying. so then i find out more news.. he got a new girlfriend. and surprisingly i don't care because she has liked him for a LONG time and i'm happy for her.. we were just aquantices (can't spell) so it wasn't one of those "going out with your friend's ex" type of situation. but there's more.. i find out he cheated on his ex-girlfriend.. not my best friend, but the other one. my whole world falls apart. i don't think of him the same way.. i thought he was the perfect guy ever. it may not seem like a big deal, but it just makes me wonder.... for weeks i have been ignoring him and he knows why now. but i STILL miss him.. i want him back so bad.. i mean if he asked me back out i would say no just because of all the pain he put me through.. or would i? yesterday he wasn't at school and all i could do is put my hand down.. him being absent ONE DAY killed me. it's like i hate him when he's there, but when he's gonna i love him sooo much. even when he isn't there i still think i secretly love him, but i just don't want to admit it. i mean.. there are other guys who have my eye right now.. i LIKE them.. but i LOVE him. i seriously think he's THE one. i probably seem really stupid, but you don't understand. he was AMAZINNGGG.. he was so sweet to me and funny and outgoing.. and he was smart.. he could actually hold a conversation. he would stick up for me when other guys were being jerks and his hugs were so cute and cuddly. anyways.. what i'm saying is.. idk what to do. it seems like my heart's incomplete without him. maybe i should move on? or just wait? if he just wants to be friends.. then i guess that's what i'll have to do.. but i just want so much more than that. and plus i still hate him, but i love him?! wtf.. ok.. just please help me..

Dear Reader,
Wow! What a dilema, and believe me I DO understand. In fact I am in almost the EXACT same situation right now. And the part that makes your situation the most difficult isn't your love for him, it's the he's "the one" feeling in your gut telling you not to let him go. This is the game plan I suggest. You said that you have a couple other guys that you like, right? That's good! For a while concentrate your energy on one of them. I know this is easier said then done, but it will do two things for you that you need. The first thing is it will answer(or begin to answer)your is he the one, do I actually love him OR is it just the closest thing to love you've felt up to this point in your life? The second thing that will happen is it will show you how he(the friend/love) feels about you. Trust me, no guy no matter how strong can handle a case of jealousy with grace. If he still feels for you as more then a friend this will come out, especially if he feels anywhere near as strongly about you as you feel for him.
The other thing I really want to point out is something you said, that he could also be feeling that could explain his sudden decision to break it off with you. "I mean if he asked me back out I would say no just because of all the pain he put me through". You obviously still love him, HOWEVER you said you would probably not go out with him again. Maybe(and I don't want to get your hopes up because I could very well be wrong), he does feel just as strongly as you and was afraid of getting hurt and going through the pain himself. In his might he might have thought that since you'de only been going out a week that if he broke it off sooner he'd be able to spare both of you from a lot of pain. NOTE: he got a new girlfriend almost IMMEDIATELY after you two broke up... can we say 'rebound'?
Another possible reason for breakup could be verballizing feelings. Did you ever tell him how you felt about him? Did you use the 'L' word on him? With communicating feelings you have to find a perfect medium. You need to tell him that you care for him, and that you really like him a lot(we all need that security in a relationship to let us know that we are not going to get our hearts torn out when the other does recipricate the feelings). However saying the word "love" is enough to make anyone, who really understands it's meaning, nervous; esspecially in a new relationship. Even if you feel the same way about them...
Like I said go out on a few dates with this other guy. If you don't feel any chemistry(or the possibility of chemistry- remember love is something that needs to be grown, love at first sight is a rareity) then try going on a couple dates with one of the other guys that you have had your eye on(Make sure you try to at LEAST go on two dates with each before you make a judgement, unless it's just really aweful). -Try not to think of the other guy when your dating the new guys(don't try and compare them- I know it's hard), everyone is different you can't judge quality by comparing to another guy; instead compare him to what your looking for in a guy and DON'T SETTLE!
To finish the deal(for the see if he's jealous part)just make sure that he knows that your interested in them, AND THAT THEY'RE INTERESTED IN YOU. Don't make it obvious that thats what your trying to do, just say one or two subtle things. Believe me that MORE then enough, if he likes you at all he'll notice.
Good luck! Tell me how it works out. ;)
~Kambrey

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(Rating: 5) that meant alot to me that you wrote so much because it shows you actually know what you're talking about :) lol and yeah he used the "i love you" thing on me which convinced me he really did. anyways thanks :)
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