Member Since: March 15, 2006
Answers: 41
Last Update: March 24, 2014
Visitors: 4387
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It's hard for advice if the question needs to be brief as there's no background on which to base the answer.
That said, my 15yo daughter (not living here) is showing many signs of a teenager in trouble; she recognises life's tough for her at the moment yet when I've suggested therapy or councelling she flat out refuses. Those close to her have tried to councel her but I feel she needs someone she's not related to, before she'll open up and face the turmoil in her life (some she's created and some out of her control).
I am seriously concerned for her welfare and have tried seeking advice from the "welfare system" which was unable to help.
I'm a 42yo single mum with another daughter 14yo living with me.
Has anyone any advice that is practical? (link)
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You do have quite a big problem. But i firstly have to say that I think you are pretty fantastic to go through so much, especially without support.
Have you heard of 'tough-love'? It's basically a concept where you tell your daughter that you love her and so you're going to be very tough on her. Your daughter seems to need help, and at the moment, you have done all you can, and you don't have much external help. that has to change.
Have you thought of sending her to 'boot camp'?One good website is troubled-teens.org, www.crisiscounselling.com or many other website if you look under teenage problems.
This is your choice, maybe you want to go there and have a look, see if you're comfortable with sendiing your daughter there. Don't use it as a threat for your daughter, like you'll send her there if she doesn't quit smoking. This is a chance to change her life and you're giving it to her. Tell her father about it, and ask for his support or to back off, you don't want your daughter running back to him and ruining her life by making it easier now.
If you don't like the idea, then you are going to really have to build a network. Go to her school, tell her principal and teacher her problems. tell them to call you if anything goes wrong. Get someone to pick her up immediaately from home, and stay with her till you get back. Other than food, shelter and clothes, the rest are all priviledges that you take away until she earns them back. If her grades increase or something, than give her them back one by one.
She needs help with the smoking and drinking and she could be suffering from manic depression. She either goes for the meetings, or you get the court to make her. She can't do it by herself.But don't forget to tell you love her, and you think that she can do something with herself, that's why you're pushing.
For your other daughter, you might want to build her own support group, there are organisations that help with her social abilites. If you want, I can check up on them and send you an attachment or direct you.
And finaly, most important, you are right now what's holding your family together. But at this rate, you're going to burn out, and there'll be no one to help. Give yourself time out. Hire a babysitter or just ask someone you know to watch the kids and you relax. there are many home spa techniques and other relaxing techniques. I can send you some ideas, like using cucumber to relax your eyes.
I really hope this is helpful to you.
Good luck.
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Rating: 5
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Once and if she does come home (her father sadly wants her for the pension given. A camp is definately worthwhile though I've suggested it to her dad and he's not keen. It all depends on her coming home for me to help....I pray she does and that I can cope. Your words are very helpful and you appear very insightful, thank you SO much for taking the time to respond. A big Aussie hug goes your way just for listening :-)
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