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I've recently read in an article about depression and I think I might be getting into the stage if depression, if I'm not already there. I'm a 16 year old female. This last half-year has been insane for me. I dated this unbelievably perfect guy, we were together for a month and a half. I loved every minute of it. Then he got back with his ex... whom I basically stalk. I'm always checking on her myspace and aim... just wishing I was her. I know its so stuppid and lame but I can't help it. I've save all her pictures to my computer and stuff. ANother thing, I've lost my best friend. We were friends for 2 years and she started hanging out with other girls so I basically ditched her right back. I have another friend I mainly hang out with so I'm not exactly lonely, but I don'tlike hanging out with her too much because she has a bf and whenever I'm around the 2 of them, I feel soleft out, basically I'm the 3rd wheel. Another thing, I have major trouble getting up in the morning. I have to be on the bus by 7... I used to get up at around 5:30 and now I never feel like getting out of bed... earliest is probably 6:30 ... I've gained weght, not too much tho, only about 10 lbs, and my face started to break-out a lot. I can't stop thinking about my ex-boyfriend, his gf, and everything. I'm not thinking about suicide or anything cause don't get me wrong, its not too horrible but I just wish I had something to motivat eme and stuff you know? I'm really insecure and I just wish that I wasn't. I mean I'm in high school and I dont wanna regret things. Any advice on how to get my life back on track? Am i suffering thruy depression? (link)
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Wow, I can really relate to you on many of the things you said. Right now I am in my early 20's, in college, but I remember high school... and I've gone through all of this, and since then, more. I'm going to try and comment on each of the things you mentioned. There's a lot going on there, but you'll be ok one step at a time.
First off, I don't think you're suffering from depression. I think you said it best when you said, "... I just wish I had something to motivate me..." I think you are just in a slump and have alot on your mind at the moment, but I wouldn't call it depression. (You can give a sigh of relief now!) :)
Now, let's talk about the guy. You two were together a month and a half, and you're totally convinced he's perfect. Well, no one's really entirely "perfect", so already you're giving him more credit then he deserves. I am sure he may be nice, decent, and have other great quailities about him. I don't know him and he could be really awesome for all I know, but you can't beat yourself up over him. You were only together a month and a half, and it's nearly impossible to really know a person (who they truly are, their character, their integrity, etc) in that short amount of time. When people are dating it is easy to put your best foot forward to make a great impression and get what you want out of the relationship for a time being. It usually takes a much longer amount of time to see what a person's really made of. All that said, don't hold on to him any longer. He's moved on, and is obviously not pining and feeling miserable at the moment. It'd be best to just wish the best for them, and move on too.
The issue of his new girlfriend... I really don't think it will help you to get over everything if you're stalking this girl. You said you wish you were her, instead, why don't you try empathizing for her. She was dating him before you came along, and she was probably hurting while he was with you. Don't be angry that they got back together, and please forget her myspace and delete her aim. It's time for you to purge yourself of things in your life that will only hinder you and keep you from moving forward!
Now, for your friends... many friends are going to come and go in your life. This, I am sure you've recently figured out for yourself. I'm sorry your friend "ditched you", but maybe she hasn't really. Have you tried talking to her about how you feel? Just because she's made new friends doesn't mean she wants to totally stop spending time with you too. If she does, then she apparently wasn't really your true friend in the first place. I know this would just be some added hurt in your life, but don't hold onto this too long either. Mourn if you need to, but not for too long, and let it go. You can easily make new friends just like you made friends with her two years ago.
As for the friend with the boyfriend, I actually think it's nice of them to hang out with you when they're together. I've known alot of couples that wouldn't hang out with singles for whatever reason, and that's not too cool. If they're being overly affectionate in front of you and it's making you feel bad, talk to your friend when her bf isn't around and just let her know it makes you feel awkward when they do that in front of you. If this isn't the case, and you simply feel jealous, or some other feeling, maybe you need to allow yourself to just feel happy for them, or try and spend time with other single gals like yourself for a while until you feel more stable about everything that's been going on.
Now that the relationship issues are sorted out, let's focus on YOU! :)
(I told you this was going to be alot, didn't I? lol..)
To help with getting up in the morning, try going to sleep much earlier! You will feel totally refreshed and revived by doing this. It is so important to take care of yourself, and your sleep! If you can, try spending 30 minutes every morning exercising. This will wake you up even more. It will also give you energy for the rest of the day. When you exercise you get blood pumping throughout your body and your muscles get more blood flow to them as well. (including your brain!) This will get you off to a nice, healthy start in the morning, and those 10lbs will shed in no time! (make sure you do some stretches before exercising not to cramp up!)
As for acne, I've tried everything! Overall, I would say I have been successful in dealing with it, though, there are some ups and downs here and there. So these are my suggestions: 1. acne usually stems from bacteria in your pores. To take care of this, I've used an anti-bacterial soap for my face to start out with. This will help kill bacteria in the skin. After, get a nice toner/astringent on some cotton and rub that all over your face. This has what it takes to really zap those suckers and help kill the bacteria as well. After, use an oil free moisturizer so you skin won't dry out from the other products/treatments. Do this in the morning, when you get home from school if your face is greasy or feels messy, and perhaps before bedtime. If you're embarrassed by the acne and the marks on your face throughout the day, there are alot of different acne-fighting concealers and foundations on the market. Many of them you can use just on the problem areas, or the entire face, and it won't clog your pores and make more acne like regular concealers and foundations do.
If you're going to be a make-up wearer, it's a good idea to have an acne-fighting, pore-unclogging facial scrub as well. After you wash the makeup off of your face, you can use the scrub to really get everything out of your pores, then astringent/toner, etc. like normal. If you want to know what specific brands I suggest, you can email me, since I'm not sure if we can mention brand names here...
I really truly hope that all of this has helped you. Remember, take everything one step at a time. Clear out the relationship stuff and start taking care of YOU for a while. Keep in shape, stay healthy, make new friendships, start a new hobby maybe, explore ideas and discover what interests you. Maybe join a youth group; a place where you can meet other peers and make friends, or find some great mentors to learn from. You can do it! I'm cheering for you!
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