My name is Marissa, and I am a sex advisor/educator. It is my life mission to help people to understand sex, pleasure, and relationships...as well as to help those who have been victims of sexual assault find their way back to sexual pleasure and positivity.
I have worked in this field for quite some time, and am a researcher as well. Please let me know if you have any questions, and I would be happy to dig in and help you find your pleasure! :)
Member Since: April 18, 2006
Answers: 32
Last Update: June 3, 2006
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karenR
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I have been dating this guy for almost 8 months now (a year and a half on and off) and I really love him. I have talked to my mom once before about birth control (once when we had been dating for 2 1/2 months, once when it was 5, then once again when it was 7.) It's nearly eight months now and I really wanna get on birth control. But my mom's scared that by doing it she's giving me permission to have sex and do whatever. I explained that if it arises, I just wanna be as protected as possible. I feel weird having to be the one to always bring it up, but I want answers now! My boyfriend is away in rehab for 2 months so I figured now would be a good time to bring it up. How can I talk to her about it and get her to see my side?
I rate high, thanks! (link)
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Ugh, what a tough situation. You're trying to be responsible, but your mom wants to keep you her little girl. I can see both sides of that.
However, the truth is that birth control is not a free pass toward sexual nirvana, and because you're on it doesn't mean that you're not still at-risk while being sexually active. Because your mom knows that, she's trying to shield you...unfortunately, she's not realizing that if it's important to you, you'll do it anyhow.
Some things to consider:
- Even if you're on the pill, you're still at-risk for contracting an STD. STDs can itch, burn, be uncomfortable, be given to other partners, and...can make you sterile. At your age, it's hard to imagine, but having unsafe sex can lead to you not being able to have children. It's a very real possibility...chlamydia is usually the culprit. Safer sex barriers are ALWAYS needed.
- Your boyfriend...is in rehab. That should give you a general idea of his headspace right now. Maybe making such mature decisions should be for a less voliatile time in his life, so that it doesn't effect YOUR life in a negative manner. Also, if he's in rehab for alcohol or drugs, the possibility is out there that he may have already had unsafe sex...which puts YOU at risk, unless you're using safer sex in conjunction with the pill.
Seeing both sides of it may help you to understand where your mom is coming from, and may ultimately help you to have this conversation again with her. Do know that, unfortunately, if she feels strongly about it, she won't take you. If you do decide to engage in sexual activities, PLEASE use safer sex barriers...condoms, dams, etc. It's not the pill, and it's not "birth control", but it's safety control.
Good luck, and please be safe!
Marissa
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Rating: 3
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Well, here's just a little bit more background information. We have already been sexually active for many months and he has changed while he is in rehab. So things with that are good. Plus he has been tested. Anyways, I'm going with my friend's mom to Planned Parenthood on Friday to get on birth control. Thanks for the help!
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