I'm not here to tell you what to think or do, but to give you as much honest, accurate information as possible. If I don't know an answer to a specific question, I'll research it before replying. I won't sugarcoat things; my job is to tell it like it is.
I've got a particular interest in sexual health and sexuality. I know a lot about fertility and pregnancy - and firsthand now, as I've just had twins. I'm also an accredited sexual health worker.
Gender: Female
Occupation: Counsellor, writer, mother of twins.
Age: 31
Member Since: August 9, 2004
Answers: 1493
Last Update: November 5, 2009
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I am a cool person to talk to and become friends with...but it's really hard for people to know this because I have communication issues.
1. I talk so less that I'm sure no one really knows as much about me like I know about them...I wil start a convo with like "Hi...nice to meet you how are you? how's life?" And that's basically where the convo ends. I mean with my friends I go on and on...but like boys and girls n people who I now met I just freeze with how's life?
2. I'm constantly thinkin of how people will think of me when I'm there talking. One minute I'll think I'll sound educated to say I where this place is...n on the other hand I'll sound like a rich spoilt brat if I say I don't.
I don't really need help with the second one...because I jus go with what flows...it's just the first one because I'm so scared people will think I'm a real freak.
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Asking 'how's life' can be a conversation killer because it's such a broad topic, it's hard for the person to know how to answer. To guarantee a reply, ask more specific questions about the person - classes they're in, sports they play, etc. Most people feel flattered when someone takes an interest in them, and a good way to make someone feel comfortable with you is by asking questions - and being genuinely interested in the reply.
If you're asking just to ask, people will know and the conversation will probably stall after a few minutes.
Just as it's important to genuinely listen, it's important to make sure you respond with whatever you feel. While you may have voices in your mind competing over how you should answer, answering from your gut instinct means you'll be talking from a more honest and carefree part of yourself. If the person you're speaking with knows you're engaged in some kind of internal debate that makes you uncomfortable (and people are amazing at picking up other people's discomfort), it will make them uncomfortable as well.
Finally, perhaps you need to think about how you feel versus what other people feel about you. It's impossible for you to go outside of yourself and see how you communicate - if other people are telling you you're doing well, they might be worth listening to. The problem could be that you communicate fine (or could, with a little practice!) but feel really insecure while doing it.
Whatever the case, I wish you the best of luck.
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