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LindascounselE-mail:
Lindascounsel@yahoo.comGender:
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March 14, 2005Answers:
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Hi! I'm Linda. I would love to try to help you with advice about love and life. I can also try to help with Health: Mental issues in particular. However, you can ask me anything. I believe in the value of honesty and I will do my best to be ethical, fair and genuine. xoxoxoxo
advice
All right, I'm a relatively healthy (physically and mentally, I hope) young woman. I've never been intimate with a man. However, I've realized more and more that violence turns me on. For instance, when I see rape on TV or in a movie, I feel myself becoming aroused. When I fantasize, I always have these dark fantasies where a man is hurting me and forcing himself on me. It's not like I don't appreciate or crave romance - I do! Why am I having these thoughts though? I don't want to be hurt or violated or anything, but it just turns me on. Is it all right? Would a man be freaked out if I shared this with him? Would he take advantage of me? I've always thought I was a "good girl".
Dear good girl,
I believe your answer may be in your last sentence. You said you've always thought of yourself as a good girl. Fantasies are only that. They are fantasies. And with all the violence and the whole "bad boys" theme, we're all getting kind of desensitized to stuff like this. It doesn't mean you wouldn't be terrified out of your mind if something like this were to ever happen to you. (God forbid) However, when we're younger, it seems to add to the excitement of life, to the options we have and to the feeling of rebelliousness and freedom that we crave. You are having these fantasies because it fills a need in you. I will tell you though, after you have been hurt (I'm talking emotionally and hopefully not physically) by a number of bad boys, as you get older, you will see that the excitement of violence doesn't even begin to come close to the stability of a caring, loving, honest relationship. Experiment safely and don't put yourself in situations that could turn on a dime. Try to keep your fantasies safe from others that may have the power to hurt you. And then do some self-reflection on a regular basis to see where you stand in your opinions of the violence. It might also be a good idea to talk over your feelings with someone who is of the same sex, and who likes you and wants to help you and listen to you, someone that you sincerely trust. We all go through certain phases in life, whether they are good for us or bad for us. Just become more aware of the need that it is filling and if you are concerned about your feelings, try to find some other way to fill this need. Good luck.
(Rating: 5) Thanks for your excellent advice.