Member Since: January 20, 2006
Answers: 11
Last Update: July 24, 2006
Visitors: 1504
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I have a friend (24/f) that constantly asks me for advice. At first, I was flattered that she trusted my judgement. However, now it has got to the point that she calls me for every little thing going on in her life. She seems incapable of making any decision on her own, even if it's a small decision. One day, she actually called from the store to ask what toothpaste to buy. When she calls, she expects me to drop everything and help her figure out a solution for her problem.
She also seems to trust only my advice. At one point, she called me with a medical concern. While I have worked in health care, I am not a doctor. I told her I didn't feel like I was qualified to answer her question and that she should see her doctor. She refused to see the doctor and said that only I could figure it out.
I hate to be rude to her since she's always been there for me. She was one of the few people that stood beside me when I fled an abusive relationship. Almost everyone else in my life thought I was crazy for leaving what they saw as a great guy. She offered me money and a place to stay until I got on my feet and could make it on my own again.
I've tried telling her that I'm busy and not always able to take her calls, but it seems to have no effect. I'm also worried that her inability to make a decision on her own could have an effect on her life and health. As much as I want to be there for her when she needs me, I can't sit by the phone all day and I'm not always qualified to help her. Any suggestions? (link)
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It is worrisome that she has become so dependent on you. Often, when people are this dependent on you, there is a profound hole in their lives such as loneliness or emotional trauma (past or present). You are meeting her needs temporarily, thus she reaches out to you. Yet, it is not healthy for her to depend only on you, and her need is so great that you cannot completely fill the hole in her life.
First, decide how much time and help you can give to this friend. Then ask to meet with her.
Ask her if something has happened in her life recently that has made her upset. Gently tell her that you're concerned that she seems so dependent on you. Suggest that perhaps something is bothering her. Suggest that perhaps she should talk to a counselor. Offer to help her make an appointment and take her there.
Then, tell her what you have decided that you can give to her. Tell her that this is your limit, as gently as you can, and stick to it.
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Rating: 5
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Thank you. I had not considered that there might be a reason behind her dependency.
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