My name is Jesa, ask a question, get an answer.
Gender: Female
Location: Washington
Occupation: Student
Age: 24
Member Since: January 17, 2006
Answers: 158
Last Update: October 23, 2009
Visitors: 10685
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karenR
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I have a friend (24/f) that constantly asks me for advice. At first, I was flattered that she trusted my judgement. However, now it has got to the point that she calls me for every little thing going on in her life. She seems incapable of making any decision on her own, even if it's a small decision. One day, she actually called from the store to ask what toothpaste to buy. When she calls, she expects me to drop everything and help her figure out a solution for her problem.
She also seems to trust only my advice. At one point, she called me with a medical concern. While I have worked in health care, I am not a doctor. I told her I didn't feel like I was qualified to answer her question and that she should see her doctor. She refused to see the doctor and said that only I could figure it out.
I hate to be rude to her since she's always been there for me. She was one of the few people that stood beside me when I fled an abusive relationship. Almost everyone else in my life thought I was crazy for leaving what they saw as a great guy. She offered me money and a place to stay until I got on my feet and could make it on my own again.
I've tried telling her that I'm busy and not always able to take her calls, but it seems to have no effect. I'm also worried that her inability to make a decision on her own could have an effect on her life and health. As much as I want to be there for her when she needs me, I can't sit by the phone all day and I'm not always qualified to help her. Any suggestions? (link)
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this is touchy, i know because my best friend is the same way. shes also done alot for me, so you dont want to hurt thier feelings, but at the same time you cant always be there.my advise is that your going to have to tell her how you feel, tactfully, but perhaps a little more clearly. you might start with the positive, such as you know i really care for you,i appreciate everything youve done for me, and im going to be here for you, but....you gotta stop calling for me to make every little decision for you, i dont think its healthy,be clear about how you really feel, but speak calmly, and friendly. follow thrugh when she calls or needs help with a real problem, be there and help if you can, if not direct her(as you did) to who can, and if its about toothpaste or some other silly thing, say in a light manner, sorry hun, your gonna have to take that one on your own.this should help her to back off without feeling pushed away, however hard as it is, if she doesent, an you cant tolerate it, you may have to end the friendship.hopefully it wont come to that. good luck!
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