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Q: Well, my best friend died exactly a year ago as of yesterday. I'm not sure if many of you are familiar with my question I posted last year about her death, but so you can hear the whole story here's the link: http://advicenators.com/qview.php?q=248637

I've had a hard time dealing with her death, mentally and physically and I've been really depressed. I still blame myself for her death every day because I still feel that if I were there it wouldn't have happened.

I really need help coping with it... I've tried to keep myself busy with fencing, my boyfriend, my friends and schoolwork.. But nothing really seems to keep my mind fully off of what happened.

This past week, when her anniversary came up was when I really started to get depressed. I've gone to therapy because of her death and also because of other problems and my therapist keeps telling me that it wasn't my fault and that I couldn't have prevented it from happening. But if you really think about it, I COULD saved her. She kept begging me to go to the party with her but I said no because I wanted to be with my boyfriend. I think that if I wasn't being so selfish in wanting to spend so much time with my boyfriend, then I WOULD have gone to the party. My ex boyfriend WOULDN'T have slipped X in her drink he WOULDN'T have raped her and she WOULDN'T be dead.

I talk to her family almost every day and they always tell me that it's not my fault... But I still feel like it is.

How can I stop feeling like this is my fault? And how can I finally get closure on her death?

Wow, first off, I'm really sorry for your best friends death, but another thing is you need to realize that this was not your fault.

What happened was totally unexpected. You had no way to foresee that she was going to die. She was in the wrong situation at the wrong time, and maybe in a sense, she had fulfilled her time on earth. Maybe there was nothing left for her here and God decided to take her. I cant really counsel you in this and try to convince you it isnt your fault, because I doubt a person over advicenators would be able to do that.

I recommend seeking spiritual guidance. If you arent religous, now is a time to seek God, and if you are, now is a time to become closer. Talk to a Pastory, Preacher, Bishop, Rabbi, whatever religion you are, just talk to the leader. Surprising enough THEY HAVE GOOD ANSWERS. When my Uncle died, my Pastor helped me through it very much (I felt extremely guilty when he died because the last time I saw him I hardly talked to him, I never said goodbye, I never told him I loved him (he had been paralyzed, it was terribly awkward) and I felt soo guilty for that) It's been two years and now I feel completely healed, but for months I was crying and depressed and just...lacking emotions. My Pastor and praying and attending religious services healed me (although I will never be fully healed). I wish you the BEST of luck, and I hope some day you will finally make peace with the past and fulfill your life in happiness.

Rating: 4

Thank you very much for your help. But God has never done anything for me. I truely don't wish to have him in my life. He's never done anything for me. Especially when I was at the hospital while my friend was trying to be revived. But thank you anyway.

bio

Hi, I'm Jen. I'm a 15 yr. old sophmore at my highschool. I'm just an all-around-average girl (okay, I'm not THAT average) I enjoy giving advice and asking it lol. I play the trombone in my school band and jazz lab, I sing in the chorus and in my church choir, I have a few friends but not a crapload...and I'm always there for my friends with advice! Sometimes its not always what they want to hear, but I always mean the best. So, ask me a question and I'd be glad to answer!
JEN!!