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I'm facinated with the way things work. I've always been told that I'm creative, and I give good advice, but that isn't the most interesting thing about me. I feel like I'm a deeper person than most people know, and so I'm a volcano of advice. All of my friends/aquaintences come to me in time of need for advice, so I suppose I must be good at it. I'm always looking for something a little bit more complicated even among the simplist of things. I'm overly perceptive and analytical. Feel free to contact me directly with questions through the website.

advice

I am 19 years old and my ex-boyfriend is 20. We were together for 2.5 years before I broke up with him. I broke up with him because I had been trying to fix the problems in the relationship, but nothing seemed to be improving. I ended up cheating on him, and that made me realize that something was missing in our relationship that I needed.

Well in the two months that I left him, the guy I cheated on him with, who I had thought was so great, ended up being a liar and breaking my heart. The next guy I was with ended up raping me. Then my family and friends turned on me. Then I lost my job. The one person that has been helping me through this is my ex-boyfriend.

He tried winning me over while we were broken up, but I resisted. Once my life turned to crap, and I realized how good he was to me, I wanted him back too. But that same day, he found out about the cheating, so now we are still broken up. He forgave me for cheating, but he says he needs some time to myself, which I understand. We still see each other every week or so, and so now we are in a friends with benefits sort of relationship. Neither of us is interested in seeing other people, we're just not officially going out.

But today he called me and said that he might be going back home, going off to Europe, in a half a year or so. He doesn't know what he's going to do exactly. He might stay here or he might go. It's so hard waiting for him to come back to me now, so I can't imagine us getting back together and me getting used to having him around all the time again, then having to deal with him being gone for 6 months or longer. He promised me that if he left, he would come back here for me, but I don't know if I can live with that burden.

It's so hard to deal with. If I hadn't gone through all this trauma, I think I'd probably be thinking about this differently. But he is seriously the only person in my life who I deeply love and care for. He loves me deeply as well. The only thing is, is love enough? We both love each other, but I don't think we're "in love." But after dealing with such horrible people, I can not imagine me ever looking at anyone else. He is the person I trust to be with me through thick in thin, despite of our petty relationship problems. Is it so bad to be with someone for security, companionship, familiarity, and not because you're "in love?" He has done 10x more for me than anyone else in my life.

From reading your question I get the feeling that you are depressed. I could be wrong, but in the midst of all of your problems he might look better than he actually is. My advice is to make things right with yourself first.

It's a very mature thing to differentiate between love and in love. I agree with you there. But to have friendly love, or brotherly love (even with benefits) is to care deeply, and this love doesn't know distance. I mean that, my brother who I care deeply for, may go to college in another state, which I would want because I love him. I know that we will always be together in spirit, and thank god for technology because there is such thing as e-mail and the telephone.

I don't think that you are considering the future right now. If what is best for the both of you, which it sounds like it is, to be broken up, then so be it. If you cannot mend things romantically, and I wouldn't try because you shouldn't cheat on eachother, then be friends.

I have friends I talk to every six months and we don't get any further apart because of the time. My best friend is an ex-boyfriend, who introduces me to all of his girlfriends to get my approval. We are like brother and sister now. I really like it that way, we didn't mesh romantically.

So lastly, you might think about counseling. You don't want your past experiences, bad relationships and rape, to interfere with developing long lasting, healthy relationships in the future. Plus, you have to love yourself and your circumstances in order to give and recieve love or care from other people.

I agree with your statement about "if you hadn't gone through this trauma, you would be thinking about this differently". Establish a healthy state of mind, so you have good relationships as reference.

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(Rating: 5) Thank you for answering my question. Your advice was really wise. We were in a long-distance relationship for a year, so I think our love has risen above almost every obstacle life has thrown at us.
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