Oh, and better be aware of it now. I'm a nerd. I like my brain. Chances the advice I'll give you is to use yours, too.
But then again, don't we all love our brain?
Gender: Female
Occupation: Student
Age: 21
Member Since: October 29, 2005
Answers: 21
Last Update: March 7, 2007
Visitors: 2133
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I have a friend who is really nice but lately she has been driving me crazy.
Well for example she phones me about 6 times a day. And when she calls she has nothing to say, she'll just start out saying "how's it going", and then she'll be on the phone for about 20 minutes, finally after her not talking and me doing all the talking I'll say I have to go. The she'll phone me back again and ask if I am mad at her!!. This happens EVERY day.
I am too nice to tell her to stop phoning, but it is really getting annoying. Sometimes I get so mad with all the phone calls that I'll just unplug the phone for a couple of hours, but then I miss out on other important calls from either my boss or my parents. And if I don't answer my phone until the evening she ALWAYS asks if I'm mad.
When I first met her 5 years ago she had a lot on the ball, she was skinny, pretty, and had a boyfriend. But now she is quite overweight, has no boyfriend and no job.
This one time I was waiting for a very important call from my crush. He told me he would phone between 11:00 and 12:00 so I stayed off the phone to wait for his call. Well my phone rang TWICE in the hour and it was HER!! I snapped at her after the second call and then the next day she made me feel guilty and said "is there something wrong with our friendship"!!
What am I going to do about her? (link)
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TELL HER!
There is no other way. I know what's going to happen: you'll get angrier and angrier, you'll snap at her, she'll try to make you feel guilty. She might also ignore you for a few days, waiting for you to make the first move. If you do, she'll be awfully cold and make you feel guilty.
She is NOT a good friend. She is like this huge energy-sucking monster. She'll drain you and move on to someone else once she has eaten all the "food" you can offer.
Next time she asks you if there's something wrong with your friendship, say yes. Tell her you are an independant person who values her friendship AMONG other things and that your life is about all those things, friendship included, but it's not limited to it.
She probably has a lot of problems, low self-esteem and she might be bored out of her mind. That's not your problem, however. Just point out kindly that she might want to focus on other things and that you will join her in an activity that involve both of you but also other people, if necessary.
If she ignores the problem or doesn't seem to understand you need space, tell her you understand she needs a friend, and that you respect her, but also tell her that she needs to respect you and your time. If needed, tell her you'll only give her some limited amount of time during the day and she'll need to respect the fact that you need time for yourself as well.
If she doesn't understand after that, well... it's a lost cause, I'm afraid.
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Rating: 5
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you are right, she needs to respect my time and space. I used to consider her a good friend but now I think that she can sometimes take me for granted... but she still is a nice person, this is going to be hard. Thanks for your advice
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