TheCynic's advice column

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Q: I've been friends with this guy for about 2 years now, and a few months ago he confessed to me that he really likes me. i told him i wasn't sure about my feelings (beyond friendship) and that i didn't want to rush anything, and he was okay with it. we don't see each other too often, but i enjoy the time we spend together. i'd be ready to take the relationship further because we really are a good match personality-wise and i do like him a lot, but the only thing that bothers me about him are his looks. i hate admitting that to myself and i'm ashamed that i let it stand in my way. he's a really great guy, but physically he's like a 3 on 10! i know i should be able to, well, look past his looks, but it's hard to imagine being more than friends with someone you aren't really attracted to. i'm just so angry with myself...but i can't help it...i can't see myself being able to introduce him to people as my boyfriend or kissing him. it drives me up the wall being unsure of what i want just because he's far from good-looking! i've never thought of myself as shallow; i've been with other guys who couldn't have been considered that cute and it didn't bother me because i liked them for their personality, but this guy is just so far from even that...what's worse is that recently i met another guy who's really cute and who seems interested in me, and even though i don't feel nearly as much of a connection with him as i feel with my other friend, i'm tempted by him because he's just...so much more tempting!! i don't want to hurt anyone and i don't want to make the wrong choice because something stupid is holding me back. sorry for this being so long, but if anyone has any advice i'd appreciate it VERY much!

I apologize if any of this sounds mean (which it probably will):

Think about it-- everything you've written about your guy friend.. well, to me, it has "friend" written all over it. You both are a good match personality-wise. You can't picture yourself kissing him, or introducing him as your boyfriend.

Animal magnetism is part of the human nature. If you're just not physically attracted to this guy, well, uh... I don't know. But most relationships revolve around affection, and if you don't want to kiss this guy, well I can't blame you!

I'm going to tell you a story, just skip this paragraph if you don't want to hear it:: Ok, so like 4 years ago I dated this guy (we'll call him Jack.) Jack was the most physically unattractive guy I could ever imagine. But he was my friend, and he had a crush on me, so I was like "Why not give it a try!?" It was the worst thing I ever did. I found every hug he gave me repulsive. Every time he moved closer to me, I'd make an excuse to get up or ask if anyone else (we were at my house) wanted something to drink. I broke up with him after a day. We're still friends, but it was just kind of disturbing... it still is.

As for the other guy, give him a chance. If his personalities not as attractive as his looks, chuck him. I believe in 'the one' (yes, I am that corny) so I kept looking until I found him (I hope it's him, anyway!)

Rating: 5

thanks a lot for helping me out with my cute guy/not-so-cute guy dilemma. your advice was really good and your story helped too, no way did i skip it!

bio

Love hurts. That's why I'm here to explain to you exactly what your significant other (or hopefully significant other) means, truthfully and unfortunately painfully.

In other words, I'm not going to tell you what you want to hear, unless I really believe it could happen.

If you don't believe me, well, I can give you proof. My way of thinking worked for me and my wonderful boyfriend of three years (I love you Matt!)