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E-mail: cannedlife
Member Since: May 16, 2005
Answers: 3
Last Update: May 16, 2005
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Just as a warning, this will be long. If you have a problem with that, skip on to the next question.
Okay. So my guy and I have been together about 18 months now, and it's been great up until awhile ago.
Now, my boyfriend and I used to have the exact same ideals about sex - we both thought oral was stupid and disgusting, and neither of us was really into the whole manual thing.
All of a sudden, he's asking me for oral all the time - I did that once and I told him I wasn't comfortable with it. He's even asking for "road head" which I always thought only assholes asked for and only sluts gave.
Does he think I'm a slut just because I've had sex?
I feel like he's been taking advantage of me lately and making me feel like a bad girlfriend. I know I'm not, though he makes me feel like it's my fault when we fight, and makes me feel like I'm the one that needs to change, when I believe now that it's him that needs to change.
I really do hope this is just a bump in the relationship - don't most people hit bumps when they've been together awhile?
We were such a great couple for so long, and then all of a sudden, he decided he wanted more sexual stuff than I'm willing and comfortable with giving him. Now, I can understand he may be a little sexually frustrated, as we haven't had sex in like a month, but I told him we'd have to wait a month (due to a medication I ended up on that conflicted with my birth control pill), and he was okay with it. Now he's suddenly not. I'm confused.
He used to be utterly romantic and sweet. Now he's turning into a complete ass.
I really want to ask him right now if he really loves me or he just enjoys fucking me. Recently, it seems like the latter.
We always said that sex was like the icing to a cake in this relationship. He claims this relationship is based on love, not lust, but I'm not so sure about that anymore.
I don't want to break up with him. I want him to realize what he's doing, and I want to fix this between us, hopefully before saturday. Saturday's his birthday, and I went to a lot of trouble to find him a present he wants this year. I'd rather not return it.
But mostly, I just want this to go back to normal. I was so happy with him before...
Help me out?
~Cali~ (link)
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By piecing together your problem... Let me start by saying, I understand what your going through.
From what I see, he is enjoying the sexual side of the relationship and just taking advantage of you. Now, I dont know how many disputes you have gotten into with him as of late, and what they are about. But its time you started a little talk with him of your own.
Now I must warn you, for a woman, this isnt easy, hes going to try and beat you down with yelling or maybe not. I dont know, you didnt provide quite enough detail on that (I cant blame you, were not professional phychologists...) but what you should do first is in a controlled environment (somewhere that he cannot yell or go nuts on you) and tell him what his problem is. Find out wat is frustrating him, and tell him about how you feel, you know...the whole "the way it used to be"... ask him why it isnt that way any more, then tell him what you expect from him, and that if you want to continue this relationship, that he has to stop treating you like a sex slave, because thats not what your for, your a person, and you have your boundaries. If you dont want to have sex all the time, you tell him that.
note: the conversation should go quietly because you should be in a remote, but public area, so there will only be some frustration and heated conversation, but not yelling and bickering. Hopefully youll come to terms, and if he continues, drop him, your not legally attached to him so theres no problem in just letting him go.
try not to let him get to you, and dont let him use you, if he tells you your letting him down, you tell him that hes the one letting you down, and you wont have it.
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Rating: 5
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Thank you so much for your detailed advice. You have no idea how much I appreciate it. I'm lost as far as fixing my own relationship problems. Others, I'm fine with. Thanks again. I will talk to him. =)
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