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Cheers! I enjoy giving advice and I think I'm good at it. Is it pretentious to say I refuse to answer questions about "Love" from people who are under age 16? I don't think love is real when you're 14, and I don't think you can fall in love in a month. I won't dignify that kind of stupidity with an answer. I also won't answer questions with terrible grammar. I just make fun of them on myspace! I know that's not nice, but it's just SO easy. And it's so unfair for me to give them a good, honest answer when they haven't asked a good, proper question. Ask me a real question and I will give you a real answer!

advice

This is a VERY long story so bear with me.
My father got re-married about three years ago. The woman he married, Karen, was perfectly nice until their wedding day, when she did a total Jekyll and Hyde (sp?) and went totally psycho. She started taking my stuff, hiding it or ripping it up, but never admitting that it was her. For a couple of years now my father's side of the family accused me of making it all up. However, about a year ago now, Karen sent a completely bitchy email, the details of which I won't bother going in to, which meant I stopped seeing her and my father's side of the family. Since then she has sent many more nasty texts and emails accusing me of all sorts and threatening to take the child benefit away from my mother, etc etc etc (I am aware that she couldn't legally do this).
Recently, her 'psycho stuff' has become a lot worse. She started sending odd letters - the address on the envelope disguised as a child's writing and saying on the back of the envelope, 'from Ryan' (Ryan is my younger cousin). Inside would be photographs of me, often cut up so I am the only one in the picture, and stuck onto a background of coloured card or paper. We knew she must be sending these because she is the only one, other than my father, with the access to these particular photographs (me on holiday with my father and Karen).
So, my (paternal) Nan confronted her and Karen has admitted that she sent the letters. She says it is because my father goes to work away a lot and she gets 'bored'. I personally feel that that doens't even qualify as an excuse to do what she has done - for weeks we had been terrified of who these letters were from, and I'm still scared to go out of the house (even into my backgarden) on my own incase she is lurking around.
Karen has since written a letter of apology to my mother's parents. WHY she sent it to them, I have no idea. My grandad doesn't want to take any further action, but there is no way that I am just sitting here and taking 'I was bored' as an excuse for putting my family through all the crap she has over the years (I have only mentioned a small amount of what she has done here). But what can I do?
She begged my grandad to NOT tell me and my mother that it was her who had sent the letters, but of course we know because WE figured it out in the first place. So, I think that if I do do anything, she will think my grandad has told me she did it, or my mother has put me up to doing whatever I would do. That means she might well hurt my grandad or my mother (I wouldn't put it past her - please no-one reply saying 'she wouldn't do that' because you don't know this woman. I do).
My mother thinks that I deserve an apology, not only from Karen but from all of my father's family for not believing me in the first place, but to me, 'sorry' just wouldn't cut it. 'Sorry' isn't a big enough word to make everything she has done go away. But what can I do? I know I could go to the police but my grandad doesn't think I should take any further action and I don't want to hurt or disappoint him. But on the other hand, there is NO WAY I am taking 'I am bored' as her reason.
There is also the problem that she doesn't know that me and my mother know she is the one who sent the letters. My father also doesn't know a THING about the letters yet, and although I don't get on with him, I want him to know - I'd want to know if my wife was doing something like that.
So, in summary, my question is: What can I do? Because there is no way I will do nothing. And how do I let Karen know that I know what she did? What else could I 'get out' of her other than an apology, something I don't want as I know it would mean nothing (she's already apologised to my grandparents, as I said, but that was only to stop them telling my father).
Sorry this was so long, and thanks in advance for any help. I'm fifteen, female, and don't see any of my father's family other than my Nan, if that helps.
xxx

I think I read your other post on this one. Am I correct?

You're absolutely right; boredom is not an excuse. There is no justification for that kind of psychotic, immature behaviour. Even if you and your father do not get along, he is your father, and you are thereby at least partially his responsibility. Thus, he should be told (and chastised) for not watching these matters more carefully in the first place. You are entitled the right to safety and freedom of peace of mind, especially in your own home; even if your father doesn't live with you, it's his job to make sure you are safe and free (at least until you're 18).

I think you should talk to your grandfather and your Nan. Explain to them how hurtful it was for everyone to suddenly exclude you from their lives--even if Karen is your dad's new wife, you are his child. Long after they divorce or die, his blood, and theirs, will run through YOUR veins and not hers.

Demand an apology from your father's family; I know it does not suffice, but it's a step. Perhaps after all this, you may not even want to talk to them anyway.

You need to have your grandad and Nan tell your dad the truth, and you need to let Karen know that you figured out she was the culprit. Give her fair forewarning: next time she tries to pull this kind of misconduct, you'll be ready with a restraining order (or, you could possibly file a restraining order now) and a police report on the grounds of harrassment and intimidation. Talk to you family attorney; gather as much evidence as you have along with your grandad's testimony. I understand that he doesn't want to push this farther, and it need not go any farther, but you need to be prepared to take action in case Karen begins harrassing you again.

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(Rating: 5) Thanks, that was brilliant advice...I will do. And yeah, I've posted something similar about my step mother's 'issues', so to speak, but not about these letters.
Thanks so much for helping!! xxx
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