About mylinhthan
[x][edit] - Since being on Advicenators there have been a lot of repetitive questions and innane ones at that. Because of this, I will not be answering as many questions as I had before. To put it simply, some people need to think for themselves. To learn things in life we have to fall down from our hardships, learn from them, and get to our feet again. People aren't just going to spoonfeed you on how to live your life.
To conclude, I'm a level-minded columnist who's not likely to judge. Although I may not understand some situations due to lack of experience, I am an understanding person and will do all I can to help. To people who are "not the brightest crayon in the box", I may appear blunt and brutally honest. Stupid questions deserve stupid answers.
And yes, stupid questions DO exist.
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Gender: Female
Location: Colorado
Occupation: Student
Age: 18
Member Since: February 22, 2005
Answers: 363
Last Update: December 11, 2009
Visitors: 23885
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Hey. First of all my name is Jennifer and me and my husband have been married 2 years.Me and my husband constantly fight over the smallest little things and its making him tell me things like its over and he regrets being with me. For example today we got into a fight because I asked him what was wrong and he went off on me to leave him alone it turns out that he was tired but he couldnt just come out and tell me in a nice way he has to be mean about it. And I did not leave him alone I kept bugging him and I dont know what to do because he threw his ring at me and went to work. When he tells me to leave him alone I cannot do that. For some reason I have to be ok with him in order to get through the day. What can I do to show him more respect that I do really care whats going on with him without him putting up his defences? I dont know what to do I really am not ready to have my marriage be over but I dont know how to change but I know I have to?
Jennifer -
[EDIT] Hey I read your feedback and I'm really hoping that you'll read this update, but depending on how he looks and feels when he comes home is how you'll know if you should talk to him. When he walks through that door, if he looks tiresome and frustrated, just leave him alone to calm down a bit. Do things that'll lighten up his mood a little bit like cook him his favorite food, joke around with him, surprise him, be creative! When he appears to be in a happier mood, just give him a kiss and hug him and say something like:
"Hunni, I love you so much. I'm really sorry about earlier. I know it was wrong of me to try and force you to tell me something you didn't want to and I apologize. It's just I love you so much and it means the world to me to see you happy. So from now on I won't ask you so much okay? I'll respect your wishes, but just remember I'm always here for you babe and if you ever want to tell me something I'll be here for you. I just want you to be open with me okay? I love you."
I can't guarantee the success of this, but I wish you the best of luck!
As for him leaving you, if he's been with you for 2 years something is workin. Don't get upset because of these incidents though, all couples go through the same so you're not alone. The only thing you two need to establish is open communication. I see that your husband can be very stubborn, so it'll be harder to do so, but what I'd suggest is to have talks with each other about the relationship. Remember to catch him when he's in a good mood though, or else you might risk him taking out his anger on you. Also remember not to make him feel obligated to tell you things, don't make him feel like the relationship is in jeopardy, don't make him feel like he's put on the spot pressured into something he doesn't want to do. In order to make this work, both partners must openly express themselves at ease. Keep that in mind.
If you have any more questions, drop a note in my inbox! :)
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I have the same problem with my boyfriend and I can relate to you totally!
Like you, I can't get on with my day until me and my boyfriend are on good terms. What you can try doing when you ask him what is wrong is tell him that you're not intentionally trying to make him mad, you're just concerned about him and you ask a lot cause you want to see him happy. And try to limit how much you ask him, cuz the way he sees it, your nagging him and forcing him to tell you what's wrong, which you absolutely don't want. You want him to tell you willingly right? So if he's reluctant to tell you what's wrong, just remind him that you'll still be there for him if he wants to talk, and respect his wishes and stop badgering him.
I know you'll probably feel like crap throughout the day because things are not settled and hostility is still present, but remember that he just might want to deal with his issues himself and blow off the steam in his own way and he doesn't want to get you involved in every problem he has. I hate to say, but you have to make the sacrifice to give him his much needed space although you won't be happy throughout the day.
Get your mind off of it by doing something productive or just get out of the house and go for a jog or workout. You don't deserve any of this, but in order to avoid it, just respect his wishes.
Good luck :)
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(Rating: 5)
Thanx 4 the advice. However what do I do when he comes home? Do I talk to him? Not talk to him? Let it go? Or what should I do?I just dont want him to end up leaving me. So how should I approach him without him getting more upset?
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