About mylinhthan
[x][edit] - Since being on Advicenators there have been a lot of repetitive questions and innane ones at that. Because of this, I will not be answering as many questions as I had before. To put it simply, some people need to think for themselves. To learn things in life we have to fall down from our hardships, learn from them, and get to our feet again. People aren't just going to spoonfeed you on how to live your life.
To conclude, I'm a level-minded columnist who's not likely to judge. Although I may not understand some situations due to lack of experience, I am an understanding person and will do all I can to help. To people who are "not the brightest crayon in the box", I may appear blunt and brutally honest. Stupid questions deserve stupid answers.
And yes, stupid questions DO exist.
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Gender: Female
Location: Colorado
Occupation: Student
Age: 18
Member Since: February 22, 2005
Answers: 363
Last Update: December 11, 2009
Visitors: 23878
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ok me and my boyfriend have been going out for about 7 months now, and we really love each other. i'm 15 and he is 16, and going to be 17 next month. he thinks everything is perfect in our relationship and i feel the complete opposite. like we will go out and it will be the most amazing time ever, but then he finds someone to completely ruin the magic of it all. like he will go somewhere and wont talk to me or lie about what he did etc. ( i know he lies sometimes but i dont tell him i know ) he always asks me why im upset and i just say im not and he always asks me why i dont tell him things and its because everytime i call him to talk to him about something he asks me to call him back and i have gotten so fed up with it i just dont call back anymore and then he like freaks out.. and he has been lying to me about him smoking.. and all he does is hang out with his friends.. he talks about them non stop, like i dont know if he wants me to be jealous or what.. but i guess its kind of working.. i dunno, how can i talk to him ? am i being selfish ?
- i dont want to break up with him though, i mean, i really love him, and i almost feel like i am being stupid for putting up with all that i am, but i dont know, please help :( i'll rate high
anonymous -
First off, I think you two are both guilty of witholding information from each other. This situation is due to a lack of communication.
It appears that for the guy he's just being a guy. Is he obligated to tell you where he is, what he's doing, and when everytime he goes out? Let the guy breathe! Let him hang out with his friends! After all, you don't want him to restrict you from your life outside of him do you?
When he does lie about his whereabouts, it's most likely because of the way you restrict him and react when he's out without you. Since you won't let him have his male freedom, he has to lie about it and secretly do it behind your back regardless of if you approve or not. I agree that it's wrong of him to lie and that he should take your feelings into consideration, but give the guy some slack and maybe he'll be more open!
As for your behavior, I don't see why you'd play it off as if you didn't know about his lies? What good does this do? And the fact that you use tactics like making him worry like crazy to "get back at him" because you're fed up doesn't solve anything at all. You aren't being selfish, but you are being the epitiome of the stereotypical girlfriend. Look at yourself when you're doing this, I don't think that is the kind of girlfriend you want to be. I'm not asking for you to change for this guy, but I'll bet that if this continues the guy will most likely end up leaving.
My suggestion in helping this situation is that you two really need to sit down and have a talk with one another. Get some things straightened out about what you want from each other and that you both should respect each other. Treat others as you wish to be treated right?
He needs to stop lying and be more open to you and in order for that to happen, you need to be approachable and welcome to what he's willing to tell you. All in all, be open with each other and respect each other.
I know I used to think the same way you did like wanting my guy to be with me and spend time with me like I was his world. But realize that both partners live separate lives from each other, and both parties need to respect that. Sure we deserve time with one another, but give each other space! You don't want to be clingy!
I hope that this helps and good luck!
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(Rating: 4)
see the thing is, im not being clingy, i never ask him where he is or what he does or anything, i let him do what he wants.. but whenever i go somewhere, he hoards me with questions, and gets really upset when i don't tell him.. i have told him that i know he is lying, and i let him have plenty of freedom, trust me.. i dont want to be his world, i would just like him to stop blowing me off everyday for his friends, and im not just saying he does it every now and then, but almost everytime i can see him now he does
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