I'm a 38 year old psychologist living in Nashville, Tennessee. Until shortly over a year ago, I hosted a radio/tv talk show. At the moment, I'm amid plans to start a new one called, " One Man's Opinion". It's a radio show FOR women, ABOUT men, BY a man.
Seeing that alot of issues are age-related, please state your age when posing a question.
E-mail: cmclinphd@hotmail.com
Gender: Male
Location: Nashville, Tennessee
Occupation: Psychologist
Age: 38
Member Since: November 30, 2003
Answers: 349
Last Update: September 15, 2009
Visitors: 29139
Main Categories:
Love Life
Friendship
General Sex Questions
View All
|
| |
Hey, i'm hoping someone can give me some advice. I'm an 18 year old female, and for 18 of those years, me and my mum were really close - like best friends. But since around the time of my eighteenth birthday, she's been like a rollercoaster ride of emotions. I wont bore you with the details of our arguments, but one day she'll be screaming in my face, and the next she'll be suffocating me and being all lovey dovey with me. I'm thinking that because i'm 18 now she's struggling to find a balance between letting me have my independence and still acting like we're family.
Right now she's not speaking to me, and when she does speak to be she'll snipe at me so there's no talking to her. I don't want to be her emotional doormat, so she can just throw any old emotion at me that she likes when she likes - I'm still a person too. I just don't know what to do right now, please, if you have any ideas, let me know. Thanks x (link)
| |
Let me start by saying that for someone your age, you have an incredible grasp on what your mother may be experiencing. It very well could be that she is in the early phases of what's called "empty nest syndrome". What puzzles me however, is her propensity to display negative emotions toward you, as well. Usually, someone in the situation you've described often find themselves clinging desperately to the one they feel they are about to "lose". I've even heard some post-pubescents say that they feel as if they're being smothered. In consideration of that, I'd like to ask if your mother has recently gone through some sort of "trauma" that you may be inadvertently overlooking. Has she changed jobs, residences, someone in her life? Is she happy with where she is in her life and what she's done with it? The possibility could exist that she may feel a bit of resentment toward the opportunities that you will now be afforded having come of age, and that may make her take stock in where she is. If she's not happy with it, then the susequent transference of her anger could be directed towards you. You say the two of you were very close at one point. Why don't you rely on the closeness you once had and tell her what you're feeling. See if you can find out if there's anything else that may be at the root of her unexplained change of behavior. Maybe she will be open to shedding some light on the whole thing. If you find out anything that you may feel to be of importance in this situation, feel free to let me know and we'll take another look at it. If it is, in fact, her rebelling against the idea of letting you go, then there's not much you can do. Take the time to reassure her that you'll ALWAYS be there. Tell her what she means to you, even today, and will always, and let her take comfort in the fact that she will still be needed and useful in your life.
|
|
Rating: 5
| |
Thank you so much for your advice, it helped me a lot. I talked to my mum and we're ok for now; I hadn't looked at it in some of the ways you described. Thanks a lot x
|
|