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Wanted Help For Anxiety
Hello, I'm a female in my 20s. I've been having anxiety off and on for most of my life. It started getting worse when I moved to a new town where I only knew a few people. It's an unfamiliar place to me and I started to feel anxious whenever I would leave the house. I decided to finally get help so I went to see a doctor and explained the situation to her. After talking to her for a while she said something that kind of offended me. She said she feels like I'm withholding information. It seemed like she was trying to search for a bigger reason why I might be having anxiety, even though I just told her what it was. I felt like she was judging me or accusing me of hiding something. Why would I withhold information if I'm coming to her for help? We already started off on the wrong foot so I'm thinking about just canceling my next appointment and going to someone else. Should I try one more time and explain to her how I felt? Or should I start over with a new doctor?
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Maybe give some free advice about: Mental health?
If you want to tell her, do it by phone rather than going through another appointment. You are the second person I have heard from in last couple months of a therapist saying you must withholding information. I used to have extreme social anxiety before there was even a name for it...I am retired so an older generation, and that explains why there wasn't a label other than shyness but I know it was much more. I am recovered of this and don't have a problem starting conversations, talking to strangers. After all, the friends we have were once strangers to us. We can't wait for someone to introduce us, we just meet people, anywhere we happen to be. I can tell you what I did to get beyond my anxiety and see if it helps you. Its not some random recipe but years later, something I found in a book at the library, by a psychologist turned author. I will give you contact for his online page first, then tell you what I did to overcome the anxiety. If it's not an anxiety of people, then others have their own little differences and I would suggest a person with the title CBT trained, which stands for Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. Cognitive meaning the mind and I can assure you that almost all my problems were fueled by incorrect, bad thoughts, stinking thinking as one Dr. said eons ago.
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
Now here's my story:
Overcoming Shyness/Social Anxiety
I used to be so shy I wouldn't get up to use the pencil sharpener in grade school because I didn't want the other kids to stare at me. I refused to do book reports for fear of speaking in front of the class. So my grades would suffer. In contrast, my dad was a very friendly extroverted person and always bringing home new friends he had made. Us kids liked it cus these “uncles” would bring candy for us and many had accents from around the world with lots of interesting stories too.
It took until I was about 16 before I decided I was sick and tired of being so shy. I didn't have the guts to just switch behavior and start talking. Strange how I never thought to talk to my dad about that and get help from him. So I prayed and asked God for help (He knows each of us better than anyone )
and here's the answers I got. It sure helped me and I know it will help you. You can skip any steps you already have mastered.
None of this involves using people you already know because you already have some comfort level there. For this exercise, you will have to drop the teaching, “Never talk to strangers”. Just use common sense and talk to people in public places where other people are around and don't go off alone with anyone. So here's your lesson.
1. Smile at strangers every day as you come across them. When you are comfortable with this, move on to step 2
2. Smile and add saying hello to people you don't know. This is already harder because your mind will be going, "They're gonna think I'm nuts cus I am saying hi and they don't even know me." When you can do this without feeling awkward or shy, move to step 3
3. Smile and say hi to and then pay a compliment to another person you don't know. It could be telling the grocery clerk you love her necklace. Keep paying compliments to people until you can do so without being fearful of their reaction or simply the act of doing it.
4. Smile, say Hi, and start a conversation with a stranger. Here's an example. When I'd be at a clothing rack and another woman was there...no matter her age, I would make a comment to her about the clothing. I'd pull something off the rack and ask what she thinks of it for me.
Keep trying statements with a question to get responses from a person. If they don't open up and start responding and sharing some of their story or thoughts then they are part of the 10 % of people who are hermit like and don't like being around people or talking to them. I took a class that taught about personality types and discovered that 90% of people are very friendly but will not start conversation first. If you can learn to start conversation first, in every situation, you will find that the majority of people respond in a very friendly and supportive way. They won't find the fact that you start talking too weird. Once they figure you're a naturally friendly person you will see them willingly respond back and share bits and pieces of information and such.
I was trying to pick out a ripe but not over ripe melon one time when an older woman was tapping and listening to the melons. I asked what she was doing and she explained that there is a certain sound it makes so I learned something. Later we bump into each other in another aisle, and I say, "Well Hello again!" Her response, "Hello again. Do you use coupons?" "Sometimes." "Do you buy this product," she shows me something in her cart, "Yes I do." "Well I happen to have a coupon for a great deal on it if you'd like," and without waiting for my response reaches into pocket and hands it to me. You'd be amazed at the conversation you could have with people and be able to share helpful info with them or vice versa. And sometimes in the conversing you may find people who you have some things in common with and you decide to keep in touch with and exchange cell numbers and /or get their name for facebook friending. Once you are comfortable with talking to one person, then its a small matter to talk to groups of people.
This should help you.
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It could be that she was simply trying to help you identify any underlying causes for your anxiety, but chose an unfortunate approach to do that.
It's important that you have a connection with your doctor. That you feel comfortable sharing with them and that you feel heard by them.
I was in an overall similar situation when I was not much older than you. I tried another doctor and that worked out exceptionally well for me.
I'm male and not sure if it was because the successful second doctor was female or if it was simply because she was so engaged with what I was saying and so compassionate.
I don't know if the gender is at all relevant, but my opinion is that you should indeed try another doctor.
I wish you peace and joy.
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