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Is it wrong that I let a guy finger me ?
Am I a slut ? I am 16 and have never had any sexual experiences. I haven’t even had my first kiss yet. Today I met up with a guy friend of mine, we know each other since we were babies. Anyway we kinda confessed to each other a while ago but nothing happened. Today I went to his house and we were alone, after chilling on his couch for a bit we started to get a bit touchy and in the end he fingered me. I was raised very strictly where I am not allowed a boyfriend until I’m 25 or so. We haven’t even kissed yet so I feel like a slut since I haven’t even had my first kiss yet but now my first sexual interaction. We aren’t even together. Please help me out here maybe with some reassurance. I feel very guilty :(
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I once was at a potluck with a friend so I didn't know the others but the topic everyone was discussing was their first time with sex. Without fail, all those who had their first sexual type of encounter all had bad memories of it. What I have learned myself is that having sex with someone who truly loves you, is quite a different experience from a first encounter. We usually don't know enough, but are curious and go for it with the first person willing to do it with us. None of the people disappointed with their first sex experience seemed to have it affect them today. Looking back, yeah, they don't like the memory and some wish it hadn't happened that way. It is too easy for young females to be pressured into having sex or are too scared to say no, stop or thats enough. When I say sex, I mean the fingering, oral sex, anal sex, and of course penis in vagina sex. You do not mention the last. But if you did and were too embarrassed to share that much, then girl, tomorrow go to local pharmacy and ask for the day after pill. It has a lot more of what the daily pill has but all in one pill to prevent a pregnancy but it is time sensitive and must be taken very soon.
You know now too late why parents don't want teens at a home without parents there to chaperone or even if just visiting in the bedroom the door must remain open. You already know how easy it is to get carried away and go too far. Even when dating, it is best as a teen to go with other couples together. You may have people find out and call you names including slut but a one time experience doesn't make you so. In life, what counts is not having a mistake or bad experience due to a choice of ours but learning from it. If you feel you have learned something, then you are just like everyone else.
This young man was same as most others his age, curious about sex and desperate to experience it at any cost, not caring anything about the girl or if she enjoys it, whether she gets pregnant or not, and willing to say anything to get some. Most younger females will beleive a guy when he says he loves her or any other promises he makes regarding dating, love, sex. Words are cheap dear, too easy to say. And him just saying it doesn't make it true. What does make it true is your waiting and watching him closely to see how he treats you consistently. The key word here is consistent. I learned that after a bad marriage and finding a good man. He followed what he said with action. But usually, he proved he was a gentleman and that he cared alot about me and finally that he loved me by how he treated me. The last guy, I listened to his words only and those were empty because I was verbally abused the whole time I was married. So now I am happy, with a good man but I met some doozies along the way and from just meeting face to face for coffee for a first meet was usually the only way I went about it. A few got past that first meet and we went on a date. But a good thing to know is that it is worth waiting for a person to show their true colors. I know maybe that sounds hard to do but its worth it and saves you from bad experiences, unmemorable ones or the kind you are embarrassed about. Everyone likes to put their best foot forward when dating or even trying to get a girl to trust them enough for some form of sex. We all tend to do this at some point or another. But pretending to be someone we are not, takes so much personal energy that eventually a person can no longer keep up the pretense and they slip up, happened with me a few times while searching for a guy after my divorce. So going slow and waiting are best til you can be sure of someone, even someone you think you know already kind of well. I say this from experience with my ex, that the person he shows to others socially and at work is quite different from the man he was behind closed doors with me. So you may think you really knew his character but apparently you didn't. A gentleman wouldn't treat any woman that way. He would not have gone ahead and fingered you. If lets say, you came after him, a gentleman would have tried to get you to think if this is really what you want. A gentleman waits for sex, no matter how much he wants it. So now I will share a bit of my second husband. When we met, we talked by phone for a week before I went to his place and met his daughter as well. He never tried to kiss me, even when we were alone. I realized I would have to reach out and kiss him first which I did because at that point I had seen how consistent he was to what he said he was about as a person, he treated me well and did not push me. He is no slack lover, cus once he knew I was ready, and loved him, I got the kisses and a whole lot more. He is never greedy, always wanting to make sure I am pleased and have an orgasm before he does. Basically, when two people are in love and their top priority in sex is wanting to please their partner first and both are doing that, then both will enjoy the sex immensely. If you ever have any other questions about dating, or want to run by me what a guy says or how he treats you, I am more than willing to share what I think.
As for the waiting til 25. Well, thats a long time but there is a good side to it. Scientists have studied the brain of teens and found that the part involved in making good decisions, the frontal lobe, is not fully developed yet and long after the body has matured, the brain is finally mature at the average of age 25. The parents may change their minds and allow earlier because after all, you are an adult at 18, just a young adult incapable of good decisions yet. That is why your peers with same age range can't help you. It takes trusted adults you can bounce your ideas off of, parents, maybe an aunt or grandma or a friends mom who really seems to care about you, a teacher...you get the idea. If you realize now that you had this experience because your decision making ability is hindered by an immature frontal lobe, then I hope you consider sharing all details with an adult you trust in the future. If you had told such a person that you might go to a guys home when his family wasn't there, just to hang out, and that it is okay cus you've known him since you were babies, you may have heard that it is not a good idea under those conditions. If you know that a guy has parents that don't give a crap what he does and he has no rules to follow, that also is a bad situation to place yourself in. I hope this helps you with the future.
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