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My crush
My question is, my crush walks home with a girl every day. I walk home with him too but he's walked with the girl for longer. She's a lot more pretty and I feel like I have no chance, what should I do?
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Walking home with some one means just that, they know each other well enough to enjoy the company when out walking. It does not mean anything more. Anything else would be just a coincidence. So it doesn't mean they are dating, that he likes her as more than a friend, or that she feels that way.
As for seeing her as prettier than yourself, you are probably basing that on what Teen magazine says is the look that gets a guys attention, or anything you see in any media related thing, even commercials. Its like a brain washing so people will feel they are inadequate and will never measure up. True, boys also buy into this and males now also suffer feeling they don't measure up, that no girl will like them enough. Boys buy into the hype as to girls being preferable if they look like models or celebs.
What doesn't make sense is that what media portrays as the 'look' for all females to go after, will change over the decades. In the sixites for example, the most famous model was called Twiggy because she was extremely thin and anorexic looking yet that was touted as the best look to attract men. In war time decades with pin up girls, those women were not anorexic looking but very curvy and had a big boned frame so women with a fine boned petite frame could never logically look like the models. Go way back a couple hundred years and painters were the photographers of today, capturing what was known to be a normal look for women, so painting of nudes had all women with small breasts and rounded tummies instead of big boobs and a flat stomach. If a person could live hundreds of years, and wanted to look like what was considered the 'in' look, they'd have to have changed their image so many times they'd have no clue how many times. Don't get caught up in comparing yourself to other girls dear. That is the best starting thing I can tell you. Next, boys buying into the hype and males being visuallly stimulated, will go after what is considered prettier. However, males want someone of substance, meaning great character and someone with a good self image. You don't have to bellieve me but I once read of a University doing a test to see what males were attracted to in the long run. In choicing the women for the test, questions were asked to determine which ones were drama queens or had low self image and confidence though pretty. The other women did not match criteria for media's standard of beauty but they had lots of self confidence, self purpose, knowing what they want, etc. People in a waiting room assumed they would be called out of the room when it was their turn but the test was observing the behavior of the men. Of course, being visually stimulated, they went to talk with the bombshells first. But they soon discovered drama queens and no self confidence, tired of them and walked over to the other woman to chat and were very happy and engrossed in talking because these women were easy to talk to, and most of all had a great self image and self condidence. In the end, They announced that men were more attracted by a woman who is confident over one with natural beauty.
I am not a model type and have never strived to daily go through a routine for hair, makeup, clothes, nails whatever to look as much as what I am told will be a popular woman. There are always males who prefer the natural look, the pretty ones who are not made up to look pretty, pretty but not matching media's so badly warped image of what beauty is.
The best way to impress a guy especially is he is younger, teens and up, is to befriend him, even if you are hoping for more and have feelings for him. Spend time hanging out as friends, which gives him a chance to get to know you better. If he is willing to be friends and you know he genuinely cares about you as a friend, then its a small step for him to go from friendship to dating, the romantic relationship.However some So people, women too, will not feel something for a guy no matter how hot he is, that chemistry is missing and it is something you're born with and can't change. Heck, after a divorce I met some really good lookers, one looked like a male model but neither he nor I felt that chemistry. So looks are important, not looks as in like models but ones own personal preference. For example, I was dating in older age after a divorce so late forties. My preference was either men with long hair or men with totally shaved heads as I didn't like the ring of hair look, made a guy look older. Some guys just prefer red heads, or brunettes, its' not blondes always as commercials try to tell you for coloring your hair. So after some time as friends, if one of two people doesn' t feel the chemistry needed for the extra step beyond friendship to romance, then you remain only friends and look for a romantic partner or if you have too strong of feelings for the guy, break off the friendship and some time later, look for the romantic partner you want. A crush is someone unaware of how you feel and may know already they like you as a friend but also know they don't feel chemistry.
So go for building a friendship and when the time comes to find out how he truly feels, the question to ask is:
Since we do so well as friends It got me thinking, wondering how we would do as more than friends. What do you think?
You must add the 'what do you think or he may just listen and not answer. If he has secretly felt chemistry but is too afraid of losing you as a friend, when you ask, he'll go for trying to be more than friends, making it sound like he is game for it, even if too embarraseed to admit he has feelings. If he likes you only as a friend and feels non of the needed chemistry to move forward into more than friends, you'll hear him say so immediately. What you say does not include saying you are in love, or have feelings if its that strong. If he does by chance ask if you're asking because you have feelings for him. YOu can dodge answering which I suggest in the beginning so he's not spooked away, and you can simply state that the happiest dating relationships are one where the people are not only romantic attracted but they are best of friends. So since you met someone you really like as a friend, you are just naturally curious. If he thinks you already like him, you may not get a straight or correct answer as guys are terrified of seeing a girl cry, over something he said or did. this may be way more than you ever thought important as you only have a crush, but you did ask what to do and theres a need to understand this all before you try to become friends him. If any other girls are jealous or say you can't, you simply say, he's a friend only and its up to him whether he dates anyone or not and has female friends at the same time. The only one who matters in such a deciasion is the guy. No matter how many other females have crushes or dated him in the past or want to date him now but he feels no chemistry. So what is chemistry? My version based on dating older after a divorce, is feeling comfortable talking to the person, and it seems like a giangantic coincidence that lots of what you share of your past, your ideas, wishes, hopes dreams, talents, pet peeves, etc... very closely mimic or are the same as to how he feels. Or there are at least 2 or 3 things you both passionae about. You feel that excitement being near them. You both tend to compliment each other not to get on their good side but because you both genuinely feel that way. There is a he ightened sense of importance like you both are hanging onto each word the other says, leaning closer to hear what they say, sitting closer, find excuses to touch each other.
When I first met the guy who became my 2nd husband, he was a delivery driver and I met him at a parking lot where he stopped for break or lunch. We had about 20 minutes for initial meet up after a week on the phone. I liked what I had learned of him already by phone and knew we had much in common. I had to know by getting close in person whether I could feel that chemistry. So in greeting him, I walked up and gave him a big bear hug and let my fingers linger in his long hair. Yes, I could feel the chemistry and apparently he did too because we set a day to meet again for a real date.
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