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So, my boyfriend and I entered a local bar
The bartender threw her arms around my boyfriend and thanked her for staying with her til closing time
due to an unruly customer
My boyfriend claimed he didn’t remember this
After we were seated at the bar, she approached us and started telling her story again
I ignored her, my boyfriend tugged on my sleeve to get attention. I told the bartender that I didn’t come there to talk with her She apologized and walked away.
My boyfriend continues to tell me he didn’t remember
This whole incident makes me insecure
Any advice on how to get a better perspective on this?
Thank you
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The issue is not about him remembering but the actual facts. Instead of asking if he remembers that happening, Does he even go to that bar as his usual haunt? Find out from the bartender what day that was. If she doesn't know. Drop it. There is nothing to check. If she mentions a day, later you could ask if he went to the bar on that date. If he didn't, or doesn't remember what he was doing that day, drop it, as you don't have any thing on it.
She could very well have confused him for someone who looks similar. Heck, I did that once, grabbing the arm of a man at a store whom I saw in profile, who attended my church, to say Hi to him and when he turned, I was stunned how similar he looked but there were a few slight differences. I felt humiliated and said sorry. A bar is typically darker in lighting so this is very possible.
How well do you know the female bartender and how she acts around people? If she is normally a very friendly, touchy feely person who hugs others easily or even just the pat on the arm/shoulder, that would describe me, and I am not making any sexual advances on anyone, and no one has assumed I was.
Your boyfriend may not be cheating on you if this is what you think but males can tend to panic even if not guilty, simply to how their gf is reacting emotionally and just blurt out something in panic like the 'I don't remember'.
I would think if he doesn't stay til closing time habitually, then he should be able to remember staying til closing time. If he did stay late, and he was enjoying the conversation, he may not have realized there was an unruly customer around that she was afraid of and she may have mistakenly believed he stayed to make her feel more secure.
There are too many things that can not be proven.
So now I wonder why you feel so insecure. Usually, it depends on what your guy is like if you do not have total trust in him. If the relationship is weeks old, you havn't had time to build trust or even see inconsiste Incies. I am remarried a 2nd time and this time I knew what I was looking for,
a man I believe and trust, not because of what he says, but because over time I see by his behavior that he is consistently proving that he is what he says he is.
He does not act secretively, and shares more details with me. Here is how it would look when I trust him and he is forthcoming with information. So lets say he went to a bar with a buddy who left earlier than him. A drunk customer started harassing the barkeep and my hubby, being who he is, always considerate to females, would realize she felt uncomfortable. I know already he would say something to her about if she wanted to ssk the customer to leave right now, that he would make sure the person did, oe call the cops if the man swung at him. If she didn't want to ask the person to leave, he would have stayed simply so she would be comfortable. When he got home, he'd tell me the whole story of what occurred, saying likely that he was just waiting for the unruly person to step out of place with him so he could call the police. He is like this, helpful to females, but I come first. Since I wasn't there, I'd probably ask him what they talked about all that time and he'd mention a few topics. This is all normal to me and I would have no reason to suspect he was hitting on her or her on him. In fact, he is a cashier and the store is near old folks apts so he has lots of women older than him flirting and hitting on him so he politely turns them down and tells them he is married and happy. We live out of a van by choice and are always together except for when he works and I am there when he gets off work, with our home on wheels. Not only is there no time for him to hang out with someone that I wouldn't know about, he always runs things past me because it affects both our schedules. One legally blind women spoke to him at his last job about how worried she was about apt inspection for section 8 housing and how she couldn't really clean and needed someone to help her and she'd pay. Asked if he knew of someone. He told me about it, no secrets, she needed help, he went to look at her place which was a disaster. So he went to clean. After that, she asked him to uber her to groceries and such and paid. She could hardly wait to meet me. There were no secrets and lots of info was always available to me.
You can't accuse him of anything just over this once incident. Look for inconsistenicies in the future...other situations in which he has nothing to share, no stories to tell when you ask. Men can be short on stories and very cryptive and so is he at times but if I let him know I need more explanation, he is happy to give it. He also knows I will not react like a jealous female or start trying to look for him to slip up. Your boyfrienddd may never have been the one she thinks he is, or he may be afriad to tell you the whole story and truth for fear you might not believe him. So its safer to blurt out he doesnt remember. If you watch yourself closely, and truly mean it when you tell him you are not concerned or jealous, just curious to hear details of the event, then he may feel lots more comfortable if over time, you prove you do not react emotionally to something innocent.
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