|
Dad bday issues
It's my dad's birthday today and my mom and I had an argument about how to spend my money on him. She wants me to take $20 off my prepaid card and give it to him or buy him a gift card. I only have $141 so I suggested taking $10 off my card and using the $10 I had in cash. Which still would've been $20. I also suggested waiting until I get paid on Friday to buy him a decent gift (Something he would've been totally fine with)I was also going to suggest going to Burlington (Where I work)And buying him a gift since I get a discount. She said she was a little disappointed in me for not wanting to take the $20 off my card but all I was doing was trying to suggest different ways of doing it. I wasn't at all trying to get out of buying my dad a gift or spending money on him. Which is the impression that she apparently got. (Frankly, I think since it's my money from my card and my wallet that I should be able to do it how I want) So my question is there anything wrong with my suggestions?
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Gift Giving?
Your Mom has serious issues. Sounds like someone in my family, who gets am idea or picture of how things should pan out for their day or any situation and when it doesn't, they get upset and maybe even lose it and start yelling and trying to place blame on anyone. The person I know of has mental issues they are not getting treated. Sometimes it is not a serious mental disorder but still an issue of how their thinking has problems and can easily be corrected if they are willing to see a counselor and improve. You do as you have planned and keep holding the line of what you want and never caving in to Moms crazy demands any time, even in the future. There are times I have been broke, loss of job, etc and we warn family that we can't buy a gift right then and always have heard, 'Thats okay. I would prefer simply to have your presence there." This means birthday party or Christmas get together. That would be the healthy persons response. I'll bet this isn't the only time Mom has stubbornily tried to get her way in a situation. But if she is a high functioning person with a mental issue, she could go undiagnosed for a lifetime without anyone but those closest to her seeing it and sometimes family doesn't even get it. It took decades to figure out my relative wasn't just acting uniquely to their own personality but that there was something a bit off balance. Most likely it hasn't given her problems out in the world and probably won't in the future. But close family has to put up with the brunt of it. If you are 18 or over, you are an adult and it is easier to set down the boundaries with Mom and let her know when nothing she says or wants is going to happen. "Thanks for your input but I am an adult and am going to handle things differently than the plan in your mind." If she tries to argue with you, the best thing I have learned is walk away which is hard if living in the same house. YOu can go to your room and shut the door and not answer her when she tries to speak or yell. You know there is nothing wrong with the suggestions you made. You didn't just say no but explained things out in detail of what you plan. You gave a health normal answer. The problem was your answer did not match up with the one she has pictured in her mind so she got upset. A gift is only one way to show love. we show people love by giving them quality time together, building them up with words, compliments and recognizing and praising their talents, doing special deeds they could do themselves but you want to cus you love them, like doing a favor without being asked, and there are many more. If Dad is easy going and understanding, he would be okay with going a month before or after his birthday to allow you to let him choose and using your employee discount, when you had the money. He knows you love him. Don't let MOms misguided thoughts plague you with feeling you have to prove your love by buying a gift, how much you spend on it and whether it is given on the day of the event or another time. Normal people know that its the thought that counts, not the actual gift. If I needed a gift for every little occasion from my husband to prove that he loves me, that would make me a very insecure person with a low self confidence to think that recieving a gift proved something. Then again, maybe there is also a bit of Mom's way of feeling love when you consider 5 acts of 'Love Language' and she may prefer recieving gifts. But just because she prefers to recieve them, it doesn't mean that is also the preferred love language of a partner, any other family member or friends she has. It may be a great help for you whole family including yourself to learn what each others love language is. I am recommending a book that will explain what the heck I am talking about and list the 5 different ones. Usually people have two with one being dominant. THey have the book for married couples, also for parents to understand their children and so on. The author to look for is Gary Chapman. He is a Christian writer but does not bring up religion and so far the only one whose had come up with this concept. The book is 'The 5 Love Languages" Try to see if library has it before ordering it from a book seller, or trying to buy it online. I know there are on line tests you can answer questions to and find out what yours is already now, before getting the book. It will also be a great help with any future dates or marriage partner and kids of your own.
]
More Questions: |