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humorist-workshop
Scared to Talk to a Counselor
I've been told many times that I need counseling. I was raised by an abusive father, I have very low self-esteem and an issue with self hatred, I've had an issue with depression, my sister thinks I have OCD, I used to have a fear of marriage and still fear ending up in a marriage like my parents, I sometimes feel ashamed of myself and am paranoid when I go out in public that people are talking about me, and I have irrational fears. I want counseling badly, but every time I think about expressing my feelings to a counselor, I feel scared. I'm afraid of being judged. I'm afraid that my feelings are stupid, strange, unreasonable, selfish, childish, an overreaction, etc.
I'm not just afraid of expressing my feelings to a counselor, I'm afraid of expressing them to anyone with the exceptions of my mother because she loves me unconditionally and people on this site because I can do so anonymously. I worry that anyone else will judge and shame me for my feelings because people have before.
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I want a family one day, but like I said, I'm afraid of marriage. I used to be afraid of ending up with a husband like my dad, but then I got over that and now I'm afraid of being a terrible wife. I used to see this guy named Scott who was wonderful. He was actually TOO wonderful, like Santa Claus' nicer brother. He was the best, but I always felt like I didn't deserve him. I felt like I could marry him, but feared that I was dragging him down.
For a good while now, I've been seeing a guy named Timothy. He too is great. I love him so much and would love to be married to him one day, but I have the same fear with him that I did with Scott as well as a new fear that, even though he's never done or said a thing to make me feel this way, I'll never be able to express some of my feelings to him if we do get married. I've thought about why I might feel this way with Timothy when I didn't with Scott and I've considered that I love Timothy more than Scott and therefore, I'm more afraid of losing him. Also, while Scott grew up in a loving, functional family, Timothy grew up with an abusive father like I did. I think I'm scared that if our feelings aren't similar, he'll find mine strange or unreasonable. Since he's been through what I have, I constantly feel tempted to talk to him about it, but fear that if I feel too strongly or not strongly enough about something or if I have a feeling he doesn't have at all, he'll judge me for it. He's not a judgemental person and hasn't done anything to give me this fear, but I have it anyway. I don't want to express a feeling that pushes him away, but I also don't want to bottle feelings up and end up exploding or having him find out that I'm hiding my feelings and being hurt because of it. And as I'm writing this, I feel like a nut and worry I'll be judged for these feelings.
What am I gonna do? I want counseling, but don't know if I'll ever be able to open up to a counselor and really talk about my feelings. I'm worried my feelings are gonna ruin my life, but I also worry that if I start to express them and feel judged, I'll just be less willing to talk about these problems. Any advice?
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Want to answer more questions in the Health & Fitness category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Mental health?
First, a good counselor who really understands their job requirements is going to have compassion for people with problems. Otherwise, they would not be in this job. You need to understand that it is your mind telling you that you may or will be shamed by telling someone where it is not anonymous as it is on here. Everything you told me, you need to tell a mental health professional. I do have a bit of advice on choosing someone. I will also post a site right now of a Dr. David D. Burns, at [Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
This Dr. learned decades ago of a better way to help people with issues like yours. Because of having dysfunctional parents,and abuse, and fears, you do not sound like someone born with the genetics already in you to have mental disabilities, or diseases. What you suffer is probably more likely due to your environment growing up and your experiences. All of that can be corrected and you living the life of your dreams, married happily. But first i need to state that when you look at this site I gave you, it is about help using medicine as a last resource. 90% of patients do not have issues due to an imbalance or as I said something genetically passed on. Most people have issues that all stem from their thoughts and you can control your thoughts and replace the distorted or negative ones with correct, positive ones. That is what CBT, or Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is about and if you read throughout this site of Feeling Good it should give you hope that you won't be this way all of your life. At the Home tab, scroll all the way to the bottom where people can write in with questions to Dr. Burns and get answers back from him. I read comments years back and was amazed at for example a woman who was depressed her whole life but after learning how to overcome it, in her 50s or 60s, she was finally normal for the first time in her life! I love reading that sort of thing. You can check out his books, look at a lis t of podcasts and watch anything you feel refers to one of the issues you have. While surfing this website is great, it still does not compare to seeing a licensed mental health Dr. If you have insurance, you will need to see someone who is trained on CBT as the others all do talking only and prescribing meds. If needed, yes meds help but that is only about 10% who need it. Ask insurance for psychologists that they cover, and call all on the list and check which ones are trained in CBT. Pick the one who is, and see your general practitioner Dr. to refer you to this person, giving the Dr. the name and contact info of the Dr. you want to see. You can become an overcomer, and no longer be a victim of your past experiences. Let me know how things go for you dear.
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