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How to overcome my fear and desire for women
English is not my first language. I'm Brazilian .
Please read all I have to tell.
I'm a 20 years old man, I know I still young but my problem with women is cursing since I was a kid.
When I were late junior high I started to approach girls and never had success. I know it's not a big problem for a teenager but I got a bit sad 'cause the other boys around me could archive them. When I was in high school i began to took some pills for my acne problem, that drug gave me some bad side-effect. The worst of them was a strong anxiety and nightmares that I've been having very often.
In this nightmare I was attacked by all the girls i found attractive, they turn themselves into female-shaped monsters like lamias, succubos, siren and schiylas. Those monsters slash me with theirs claws and fangs. These nightmares were very scare ones. In synergy to the nightmares i started to cut myself, i got an horrible habit to scratch my sexual organs after the nightmares.
Since them i began to take some pills from the doctor 'cause for him I have venustrophobia, the phobia of approaching girls (pills to short my sexual desires) who I've seen around 5 years. With the doctor and the pills I got the discipline needed to forget about girls and focus on other things of life, but i never stopped to try approaching girls, even always been rejected.
When i started college (3 years ago) i started to ask to girls what they think about me. The answers i got was that i am not too good looking, i am too short (even shorter them almost every girl i know), too nerdy, geek and even otako, i am too methodical, too logical, needy of experience and look like an 14 years old boy.
I took this life for the last 4 years but sudden i started to be a "friend with benefits" with an old friend of mine. It was amazing, i felt powerful, manly, strong, handsome. But 2 mouths later she just broke up with me 'cause i was too logical for her... That was pain in my ass. I've spent so much time holding my desires and they got free from me 'cause i could have fun with a girl i found amazing that I've lost.
Then i started to try girls more and more often but the only thing i get is no, no, no, no.
Now i cant stop thinking about women again, i cant concentrate on college, the time flies too fast, i'm having that old nightmare again, i am sad, horny, and with the horrible feeling i not good enough to be loved again.
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Not everyone is average height, there are taller people and shorter ones. I am 5 feet 2 inches and I find there are always women shorter than me. What I suggest is that you search for women on the internet since you are looking for some exact things in a female, like one who is short and you can specify height, like 4'10 to 5 ft or what ever you need. Also be open and share ahead that you look younger than your age and wouldn't mind a female who is also younger looking than her age. If anyone can understand what it is like to look younger than your age, another person with the same problem will. It is hard to be content now but when you are older, you will like looking younger than your age. I don't know what Otako is but nerdy and geek I know. Maybe not all girls are like that but there will be some. Using a dating site helps to narrow the search. At the age of 2o or even a little older, men and women are more concerned with the outside of a person, not with who they are inside. So it may be hard still to find someone who sees past the outside to who you are on the inside and treasures that. I am much older than you, 60. At about 47 I had divorced an abusive husband and began a search to find the right man. I also had some special things I asked for, a patient man who does not have an anger problem and would not raise his voice or yell, be understanding, and many other things. He is short but not too short 5'9 and asked for short women in his dating profile. He also wanted someone who is spiritual and his sexual equal. Many women did not like him because he was too short if they wore high heel shoes, he is a very hairy man with lots of hair covering every inch of his body and that was a turn off for women. Not me, I was used to it because my Father was a hairy man. Plenty of women told him that he was too intense. However I am a little like that and like it. So no matter what you think will hold you back from finding someone, those things won't bother or keep away the right woman. Although, for both of us, this is our second marriage and it took until later in our lives to find each other. We used the internet and that is why I suggest the same. The men I was meeting just where ever I went, did not work out, and ended up being in some ways like my ex husband. In the meanwhile, use your computer to read about dating tips for men, and watch any dating videos, on how to be successful in dating, how to approach women, all that kind of stuff. Even though I am happy, I do watch these kinds of things sometimes so I can pass on any help to others.
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