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humorist-workshop
Met up with a Girl on a Non-Date Twice. Is she Interested?
Hi, I met a girl at a digital marketing seminar. We started chatting there, she is cute, smart and very sociable. I asked here if she wants to connect on Facebook, perhaps to exchange ideas. So we did.
After exchanging a few messages on FB Messenger, she asked if I want to meet for coffee, bring our laptops and exchange ideas on digital marketing. I said sure, and we did just that. We found this quite little coffee shop. A couple of hours pass, I ask if she wanted to grab a drink after? But she had to meet a friend for dinner next. I said ok, and we went our separate ways. A couple of months pass, I ask her about her website (a travel blog) and connected her to my friend, suggesting she interviews him, he happens to be an avid traveler. She replied, and we exchange some more FB texts. Then I ask if she wants to meet again for coffee to do some kind of brainstorming. She said sure, though we had to postpone a meeting here and there but we ended up meeting. We discussed our websites among other things, non-work related topics. A couple of hours later she said she had to visit her friend (who is sick and she is cooking for her), so she gotta go. I said I had to go as well as my parking time will expire. I asked where her friend lives, and it happens to be right on my way home anyway, so I offered her a ride and she accepted. We talked all the way there (20 minutes?). When I dropped her off I casually asked "Wanna do lunch next weekend?" She said, she is going to Montreal to visit her dad. I said "Ok, another time then" Hoping she suggest an alternate day, but all she said is " Yeah, sure! enjoy the game with your friends. See ya"
I like this girl, but I don't know if she is interested. Remember I asked her before, if she wanted to go for a drink at the end of our coffee get together, but I think she legitimately had to go for dinner and now she has to go to Montreal for the weekend so couldn't do lunch. I'm open to hang out with her as a friend and see where it goes from there. Another thing is that she sometimes replies to my messages in within 1 to 2 hours, but someties it takes 8 to 20 hours? Remember it's FB messenger. I also have her phone number, but haven't really text her through phone. Does that matter? We're in our early 30s, if it matters.
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You wanted a plausible reason to see her so you started it all with asking her to join on messenger to exchange business ideas. As far as she knows, you may be intrigued with her looks and her brain but there are no hints that you would like to get to know her more. It is no wonder she grabbed at the only thing she could to see you, the 'exchange ideas' idea. If you had done less business and told her you couldn't concentrate on business as you were with a beautiful women and would like to get to know her more, she most likely would have jumped at the chance. I really don't think even for business, that males or females would meet up with someone, for whatever reason if they were not attracted in some way or open to getting to know the person better which might lead to romantic dating later. The reason people don't tend to meet with someone one on one, whom they feel no interest or chemistry with is that they don't want to falsely encourage the person and have someone they don't like, now trying to ask them out on a date. Exchanging ideas, while legitimate enough a reason to meet should have only been the excuse to get together. You dangling the hook with that as the bait, she took the lead and went running with that morsel of a reason to meet.
So at this point, if you still want to see her, it will be awkward and embarrassing and you will have to be honest with her and let her know what you have been thinking, because she doesn't read minds so whenever you want to meet to discuss digital marketing and then hope to get to know her...it won't happen. Yes, I know this means putting yourself out there and risking being let down but it is the only way now because I am betting that at this point, she believes that with your couple chances, that you are only interested in her mind business wise but whatever clues she is looking for that you are interested in more with her, you are not giving off those clues. There may be other ways to do this, but if you seriously want a chance to get to know her to see if there is a possibility you could become more than friends, then you need to actually say those things to her. Meeting for a drink may not be her thing. Going drinking, while innocent in itself, can speak to a person of someone having a tendency to be the 'party animal' and may not be what she is into. You need nothing more than a coffee shop, or meeting at a quiet place for dinner. The thing is to do a lot of talking, and not watching movies or going somewhere where the atmosphere is not conducive to holding a conversation easily.
Okay, now the hard part, don't chicken out and text, actually phone call her. Put it in your own words but you want to get across that you were initially interested in meeting with her again to see if there might be enough chemistry to be friends at least and once you both get to know each other better as friends, then discovering if there's a chance to be more than friends. this way you let her know you are not looking for a one night stand, but to actually be a friend at first and then possibly more. You have to be sure to mention friendship and becoming more than friends, as that phrase is not as threatening if the other person is a bit gun shy. You are putting her in the position where she has to let you know if she even wants to meet or not. Then you will know for sure if she is interested. Heck, you could even ask her to go on a walk with you, somewhere like a park or popular walking path. Start the walk just talking but try at some point to put an arm around her or hold hands without asking for more and ask her questions about herself. what questions? Anything as long as it can't be answered with a yes or no and her answer stops there and you keep having to ask questions and this method will start to feel like an interrogation.
Ask where she grew up. Ask if she has siblings or is an only child. Tell me a bit about your childhood, like how you spent the time on summer vacations, what you did to earn money back then. Yes, these are all valid. It is part of her past and is part of who she is today. If you show genuine interest and can compliment her at points or encourage her in her talents and hobbies, it will make her feel you have a true interest. I know just about everything of my 2nd husbands past. He is willing to tell me the stories and they are entertaining, you will have to be able to do the same, so think ahead about what things you would share about yourself to help her understand something of why you are the person you are today. I am able to tell others, all my husbands stories of events in his past as I've heard him tell me and others plenty of times. This is how well you want to get to know each other. Dating is a mechanism for learning what you like and don't like about another person, so it helps you determine if you have even greater interest and want to move to a romantic relationship or whether the interest you thought you had before you knew them, you no longer have. It could happen with her too. This is normal and okay then after the handful or month or two of meetings as friends to decide you want something different. If you already know what you need and want in a mate, then refer to that list in your mind. With my 2nd husband, he had only two things he needed and wanted on his list, I had 5 or 6. These were 'must haves' in a mate or it would be a deal breaker if not present in the other person. Do not attempt to use texting to get to know her. The biggest part of communication is non verbal meaning facial expressions, tone of voice, and body language. A person can say the same phrase and in one way, the words along with tone of voice and body language let you know the person is acting condescending towards you whereas the same words with different non verbal hints let you know the person is teasing you and not seriously dissing you. With texts, you don't get any of those helpful things. With a phone call, you at least get tone of voice. My hubby and I would be on the phone every evening after work for hours talking a week before we met in person, but eventually the talking should be done in person so you can pick up on the subtle things. My husband was the gentleman and did not make the first move to kiss but I could tell in his eyes, facial expression and body language that he was indeed interested so i made the first move. Once he knew it was okay with me to move on into the romance realm, he needed no coaxing. Your gal may not know enough about non verbal clues so she may not make the first move. I suggest you watch some videos on youtube about body language when a person is interested in you. There are plenty and they really help. Good Luck.
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